need help and support

[Teal1324]

I have 12 week old twins and four older children. I’ve suffered with depression many times, but this time is different. My mood for the past week has got significantly worse. I’m seeing people in my house, not in a threatening way just running past me. I’ve just poured some boiling water into a bottle to cool for the baby and it spilled over so I jumped back, blinked and there was no spillage only 2oz in the bottle. I’m so scared now that things I’m seeing aren’t really there, have I actually picked up a baby? Did I really feed them? Have I put them safely down? I had a meeting with the crisis team yesterday who mentioned ppp, I have no experience with it myself or anyone else in my life. But I’m scared. I literally feel like I’m losing the plot. Questioning everything around me whether it’s real. Can I have some positive experiences please? What can I do? I’m looking at my baby fast asleep and wondering whether she is actually asleep or am I imagining it. This has come on so suddenly and I want it to stop. They are ringing me again today and I will mention it but I just don’t know what to do, how do I tell what’s real and what’s not?

[Chick44nzrn]

dear Teal1324.

That certainly must be very scary for you . I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through .

With a large family , new twins , you must be extremely tired apart from any other issues.

I suggest you get an urgent appointment with your doctor to discuss the situation you’re in, and in the short term see if you can get help with all the family chores , which will ease the domestic pressures . Are you able to have a little rest after midday for example? do you have family nearby?

With care and guidance from your local mental health team this should pass but no doubt your current “mothers work schedule” must be extremely tiring . That won’t be helping.

Best wishes and congratulations on your wonderful new twins .x

Denise

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Teal1324 ,

Congratulations on the twins! You sound like superwoman already. I had my first baby last year and was totally unable to function. I don’t even think I would have been able to use the internet or my phone, I was totally out of it. You have twins and other children and sound like you are trying your hardest to manage. Often at times like these we feel there’s no hope but be assured you will get better, I did and you will too ❤️

When I had PP in the early stages I was similar, not knowing what was real or not real and this was due to me having severe lack of sleep. I can imagine you are probably going through a similar situation. You have a busy household and a lot of responsibility, I can imagine it must be hard especially if you are doing all by yourself.

I think you need to ask for support from family & friends, do you have anyone you can think of to help maybe during the day time or alternative days? Maybe with cooking some food for you?

I would definitely speak to your GP and health visitor. Both services will suggest different avenues of support. Please reach out and ask for support. I know when I was going through a similar situation to you I was hesitant to ask for support but please do ask and accept the support.

Thank you for reaching out to us, please keep in touch. We are here for you ❤️

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Teal1324,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very scary. I had PP after my first son was born 10 years ago, and the confusion and anxiety as I became unwell was very frightening. I too couldn’t remember if I’d fed my baby and had to rely heavily on my husband – do you have someone with you at home?

It’s really good you are already under the care of the crisis team. Do be very open with them about how you are feeling and the thoughts and fears you’re having when you speak to them today, things can change very quickly. And do contact them sooner than they’re due to call you if you’re concerned.

Please be reassured that you’ll get better with help and support. Lean on those around you and accept any support offered. You must be exhausted so get some rest if you can.

Keep reaching out, sending very best wishes,

Jenny x

[Twobabies Volunteer]

Hi Teal1324,

Congrats on the twins! Gorgeous wonderful also blooming hard work. I am a twin mummy and I became unwell with PPPsycosis 6 weeks after the birth. Lack of sleep with twins is immense its quite simply double the work and it hard enough. And you have other children too. What you are managing is huge. It sounds very scary being unsure of what’s real, feeling like you can’t remember what you’ve done etc. Really well done for reaching out to the crisis team you’ve done so well to do that. I hope they call soon if not or if you feel worse don’t hesitate to call gp for emergency appointment or 111, you can even show them what you have written here if it helps tell them what you experiencing. Feeding and sleep and stress were my major issues and all related. I wonder how you are feeding and if anyone else can take over some slots to get you a solid 6 hours sleep? (Or more!) do you have a partner or family or close friends that can take time off work if needed to come take over and give you a rest. Twins with older children is a unique and hugely challenging to say the least so best to forget any ideas of ‘I should…’ like I should be able to do feed I have before etc. Circumstances are different and sounds like rest is needed. I mention feeding as I was determined to express for my girls every 3 hours it meant I never got more than an hours sleep at a time ! It’s not sustainable! we are human (although super) . This is the toughest time , your babies will be good. Who can you call in for help? Is your partner helping ? So so glad you have crisis team to call. All these experiences are awful but with rest and help you will be yourself again. My twins are now 4 and doing ace they had formula they missed me while I rested but they needed me well I needed me well. I thought I could cope with anything because as a mum I thought I had to, but in reality I’m the early days at least it takes a team. And a well mummy is what we need for ourselves and our kids. Sending lots of hugs and love your way. You took the step for help well done , keep in touch fellow twin mum, we’ve all got your back. Xx

[Chick44nzrn]

hello again Teal .. how are you feeling today? I hope you have managed to see progress and have got some help with the workload . I’ll never forget early days with 4 little ones , exhaustion, PPP, the struggle with an alcoholic husband etc etc!! Nightmarish stuff .

You have the capacity as we all do I believe for a certain amount of self healing starting with rest . It seems such an out of reach luxury I know but resting mind and body with help from family friends or partner ( or paid housekeeper!!) can make a huge difference especially if you have a regular daily break. Stress and exhaustion just fouls up our mental well being so much.

I hope your MH team give you the support and confidence right now that you need. If you were a neighbour I’d happily watch the babies , pour you a bath with lavender drops, make a cuppa , put on some restful music etc. while you zoned out for a much needed break!!

Sending you an electronic hug with my warm wishes x

Denise