Just a little update, my mum is now home & recovering well, she’s been home now a going on a month & is doing amazing, not needing any physio, she’s doing so well! It’s so lovely to have her home back where she belongs!
It’s been a crazy tough few months for me if I’m honest, my youngest who’s going on 21 months has had some health issues since July & last week we went for a Chest x Ray at our local hospital & for he’s bloods taken..
the results came back that he has inflammation on BOTH lungs, the right one more severe.. & as of now we are on a watch & wait approach as well as a weeks course of antibiotics & looking at to repeat he’s scan within the next 2-4weeks..
plus not forgetting the sad passing of my wonderful Grandad 10weeks ago yet if I’m honest in my mind it feels a life time ago, my memory is affected lately & I’m finding it hard to fully function & be present in the moment..
I’m so tired, emotionally mentally & physically 😩 I have these awful dark intrusive thoughts that pop in my mind whenever they feel like to & cause me nothing but severe upset & anxiety all that day.. I’m still on sertraline although only at a low dose of 50mg compared to my 150mg I was taking last yr..
my child’s father isn’t any use sadly.. although I’ve voiced to him how I feel many many times over these last few months & it just falls on deaf ears
I just want someone to give me a break, offer me a helping hand & take the weight of the world off my shoulders 😭
I dunno how I’m managing to get through the days, I’m putting zero effort in to myself, I’ve well & truly lost my sparkle.. I’m also afraid of stress induced psychosis coming back so that’s something that I live in fear of daily especially with all I have going on, life is really tough atm, & I can’t speak to my mum how I’m feeling cause she has just gone through a rough time too, so it’s hard to really speak out as to just how I’m feeling.. I just feel so alone, trapped in a never ending cycle & I dred waking up each morning to face yet another demanding hands on day with just me & my two boy’s & no adult interaction or help 😭
If I could take myself to bed permentally & wake up when how I feel is over I so would!
They say the dark times never last forever but lately it so feels it’s never ending 😩
Any support, chat & advice would be so much appreciated & Thankyou for taking the time to read my posts & show me nothing but love I appreciate it honestly 💕
Written by
KeiraMarie
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You can have a chat with another mum with lived experience and it is also open to video calls or face to face meet ups if that is something you would prefer. On the same website you will find the cafe groups that are set up by geographical area and run roughly every month, with covid some are online but they have started to introduce face to face meetings again. Apologies if I am repeating information you are already aware of.
Aside from app there are some charities that work with young families, home start for example may run some support groups for mums in your local area. I know you already manage a really busy schedule juggling your children, so I don't want you to feel that this is another task on your plate, but as you mention when you are so very busy it is easy to forget about yourself.
Take good care out there, write here whenever you need to let it out and I hope things start feeling a bit more maneagable soon.
I'm so sorry to hear you feel very low and overwhelmed at the moment. Like you say, you have had so much to cope with recently with worries about your son's health, your mum and the loss of your Grandad.
You mention feeling quite alone, and as though all the responsibility is on your shoulders at the moment? I wondered if you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings like your GP or perinatal mental health team?
I also know that lots of mums in the APP network have found Home Start a brilliant source of face-to-face support for practical help and companionship. There's more info about the type of support Home Start can give mums struggling with their mental health here: home-start.org.uk/mental-he...
Well done for reaching out to us here at APP - so many of us struggled with depression and overwhelm after experiencing PP, but we are here to encourage you that you will get through this. As EmiMum says, we would be more than happy to link you with a 1-1 support volunteer if you would like to have the opportunity to talk regularly to another mum who has experience of the recovery journey from PP and depression.
Be really kind to yourself whilst you are feeling so low. It's OK to just take things at home bit by bit, and to rest when you can.
Hey dear KeiraMarie! I just want to give you the biggest hug on Earth- i lost my precious Grandad yesterday, and it’s such a big unexplainable pain - it feels like ityforever goodbye to everything good and easy that life felt when we were kids. Love and healing vibes
I can share compassion with your lived experiences. Being bombarded with additional stressors can affect your emotional well being.
I am so sorry for your loss of granddad. I remember vividly moments of events when loved ones were passing. I can resonate with events flying by and memory loss, especially when being on meds in my after care and ongoing sleep deprivation. Sometimes it was like being in a maze!
Some good ideas have been mentioned by EmiMum and Naomi. Maybe accessing support via APP and then gently trying to emerge into things within the local community may help. It is OK to built your confidence in stepping stones. I re-engage and re-learn every time, but very slowly and gently without being pressurised by others.
Just to let you know I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug and wishing your young one a swift recovery!
How are you getting on at the moment. Glad your mum's out of hospital. So sorry to hear about your lack of support. Do you have any midwives or family support workers visiting this week?
I remember struggling when back home after my first episode of PP and we are offered a volunteer from Homestart. They are a charity that help families practically which might be what you need.
And I'm sure your sparkle will return even brighter. Mine eventually did and I'm more determined to help others through their tough times now. You've just got to look after yourself in the meantime with plenty of sleep and rest. Do you have any friends to chat to each day?
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