Bad start to the day

[Jimbob1984]

Morning all!

I hope you all had good weekends and none as emotional charged as mine was. Safe to say me and my other half spent almost the whole time fighting each other, making up and then later on just doing it again. I am not sure what's happening at the moment but my anxiety and negative thoughts are certainly more the cause than the cure.

I slept hardly at all last night and neither did she. Off to work now feeling completely drained of energy and struggling to keep my eyes open. Also overwhelmingly beating myself up for things I have said and how I behaved. The biggest problem I seem to have us when I get into 'defensive mode' I don't see her or anyone else. I climb right on I to my head where it is safe and I can fight anything that may hurt me. It isn't until a lot later that I can step back and see what I have done to someone and basically how I end up doing the things I am defending myself against. Hypocritical doesn't cover it lol

It's almost like waking up after getting wasted and feeling hungover and ashamed of your behaviour except without the alcohol and the party lol

Dies anyone have the same feeling of zero control and any ideas on what can I do?