And I'm SO exhausted. I knew pills weren't right for me and once I'd been through the long list of ones I've tried over the last decade and a bit the GP said it's probably not worth trying new ones. She also felt the fact my mood is fairly ok and my problems are simply the physical exhaustion of fighting against ever-present tension suggests the pills aren't really the answer but therapy is.
Problem is, I've been on the waiting list for two years. Doc says that isn't right, I should only have to wait six months apparently. Phoned therapists up and it turns out that because I've moved two miles down the road since being referred I'm now in the wrong catchment area so I'm not even allowed to be on the waiting list I'm on! They're going to phone me later to sort it out.
It's so frustrating. I feel knackered today and I can barely eat because when I get this exhausted I get bad nausea too. They always go together for me. And I have to go to work tomorrow in another city (so really long days commuting). I really hate trying to work through a blur of exhaustion and nausea but I have tried everything to get more energy and nothing is working. I wish I could just give up and stay in bed until I feel well again but I can't do that either. I just want help now and faster. I think the GP is right that pills aren't right for me and she felt that I could do really well if I just got some therapy, but it's so long to keep waiting and waiting and waiting all the while I'm getting more and more exhausted. I don't have a steady enough income to risk taking on private therapy either, even when its subsidised, because I can't work more than part-time. I'm too tired to do full-time nowadays.