Think i might be going mad...

[chuck23]

Hi, my name is Chuck and i am 21 yo. I must say first that my english is not perfect because i am a french canadian! I am currently in college to become a teacher at the elementary school. I have a story of anxiety that started back in 2014 when i had my first panic attack. I went to see a psychologist and after only a month, i was feeling good again. It started again in 2016 after a really stressful trip in Asia with some friends. I woke up one morning feeling kind of off, like i was not my normal self. I was always feeling like i was high on weed. I thought that it would all go back to normal after the trip, but it went even worst. I began to think i was going crazy. I was waking up feeling so disconnected and it would go on all day long. I went to see a psychologist again and he told me it was just anxiety, but i wasn't really believing him. In fact, i was convinced that i was going psychotic (like my aunt who is schizophrenic). My girlfriend broke up with me because she couldn't stand the fact that i was feeling so bad. I wasn't able to drink alcohol anymore because it would make me feel even more disconnected. I forced myself to go at social activities even though i was feeling odd. (Fast forward to 2018).

Since february of 2018, i am feeling almost as good as i was before all this mess but something append around christmas this year. It was the end of my semester and i had been partying for almost a full week like every normal students of my age. One night, i was feeling a little off and tired and i decided to drink anyway. I began to feel so disconnected and i thought i was going crazy (again). Since that day, everything is getting worse and worse everyday to the point that i am now feeling disconnected 24/7. It is worst than it has ever been. Everytime i look at my hands or i look at myself in the mirror, i have a strange feeling. I feel disconnected from my thoughts and the people around me. I feel kind of awkward with people and it never happent to me before. My surroundings seem really strange and nothing feels "familiar" to me anymore. I really think i am on the verge of having a psychotic break and it scares me so much. I stay at my home all day long because going outside makes the feeling 100x worst. The only time i feel good is when i play video games w/ my friends because i am so into it that i can't think about how i feel. If anyone has been through something similar, i would like to have your advices.

Thank you for reading!

Chuck