Hello, I need help in knowing if I have social anxiety or not. When I tell my mum about my inability to communicate with others in a normal way, she always says that it is just a phase. I don't know if I should trust her or not as I have had a panic attack at the hospital in the past and she has brushed it off as me being shy. Whenever I try to talk to someone it feels like an invisible barrier is keeping me at bay, and even if I do overcome the initial barrier, I will stutter, sweat and generally panic while talking. I also don't like to look people in the eye.
I think this might of been caused by bullying, one time in primary school the entire school was sat down for assembly and at the end when my class was asked to leave I got up but my legs were dead from the lack of movement so I fell and kept on trying to get back up all while the school laughted untill a teacher finally pulled me away. I was also segregated from the rest of the mainstream classes because of my dyslexia and put into a class of around 7 untill I was taken out by my mum and home schooled for around 3 months untill the end of year 6, this caused me to miss my sats. Then I when to the academy where I was put into a step up program because of my lack of sats results. I graduated from step up at the end of year 7. Then the beginning of year 8 began and this is when the bullying got really bad mainly because I had none of the friends from step up as I was in a different class and they were still there. However, it did get better because I met Micheal, my best friend. There was also alfie who was our friend but like a third wheel. We used to tease him (which I know is very wrong and I only did in an attempt to feel secure about myself) relentlessly. This was untill, about a year ago when people who had particularly high scores in DT got letters inviting them to go to a DT specialised school, I didn't get a letter but they both did and they both when, the funny thing is that they were the only people who when out of the entire year. The year 10 came and I was alone for weeks untill I leached onto a group of friends who where kind enough to let me follow them at break, I don't think I am really their friend even now. Then year 11 came and here I am.
Sorry this came into a life story but I needed to let that out.