It's Becoming a Reality....

[kama24]

I've been over thinking again. I just want someone to talk to and then I realized no one really wants to hear my fears. The reality hit me tonight that on Thurs. I'm going to the endocrinologist, that a growth did show up on my one adrenal gland, that it might be cancer, that I may need surgery, that I may have to be put under, and on and on. Logically most would say "wait until you hear what the doctor says". Well, I guess I will do that ...but what if....I am scared and just had to get "all that" out. Sorry but this is the only place where I feel I can say what I'm truly thinking. I'm going to call it a night and try not to dwell on it until I hear the words come out of the doctor's mouth. I need to shake this cold feeling of "fear". There are so many people who are in far worse situations than I am. I will keep reminding myself of that. Thursday afternoon I'll have some input on my situation.

[Agora1]

kama24, I'm glad you did come to the forum to vent your fears. That's why we are here to support each other. You won't be alone Thursday because I will be right there with both you and lulu-1. I see you having come a long way since you first got on the forum. That inner strength in you is starting to surface and even if you can't feel it, it's there and will see you through the test and beyond. Stay positive and stay confident in yourself You are never alone kama.. xxx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for replying. This morning I woke shaking like a leaf. Again I do not know if it is due to the excess cortisol emitted early in the morning or if it is "just me". My husband & daughter do their best to encourage, however I know they don't really understand how fear affects me since they have never had it (thank goodness). I'm getting ahead of myself worrying if the doctor wants another CAT (I am severely allergic to the dye & therefore refuse it) will he agree to it without dye (yes, I do know they can give you meds prior to it buttttt....what if they don't work?) I know I need to go and get some answers as this doesn't seem to be lessening on it's own. I'm fretting about being alone in the near future as my husband has to go on a trip out of town. Unfortunately my few close friends all live far out of town. I will keep in contact via phone but as you know "the mind is a powerful organ". Thank you so much for your encouraging words.

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

kama24, I wish you well tomorrow with the CAT scan. I may not be able to be with you physically but will be with you in thought. Remember my words as you go through the scan. "I am safe" "I will be okay" "I am in good care" "This too shall pass" "I will deep breathe to help bring me calm" "I am not alone" "I am cared for by so many people" "Breathe" "Relaxxx" "The scan is almost over"

"I did it" "I am proud of myself" ..... Positive affirmations can get you further than any tranquilizer can. It doesn't just numb you but actually changes the chemical in your brain. kama24 you will and can do this. Practice some meditation and deep breathing today. Use the forum as much as needed in calming your thoughts and reassuring you. Let us all know how you did tomorrow. Remember kama, we all care xx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

It is in a way a pity that more of our friends and even family cannot fully understand how and why we think the way we do. Yes, the forum does help in it's own way. As I sat in my physciatrit's office last week I noted all the brochures for various support groups. There was depression, anger management, gambling addiction, drug/alcohol addiction, agoraphobia, and more. Not one for panic/anxiety disorder! I did ask him about it and he had no idea as to not a "group". Yes, there are CBT classes to take for panic/anxiety, but (having attended one) they are not a typical support group. Today I'm getting ahead of myself. Thinking what if this growth must be removed...I will be admitted to the hospital....fear creeps in, especially in mid of the night and early morning. I will have to have some "tricks" with me to cope. I'm pre preparing...oh my I sound so pathetic. I have crochet work, my old cd player with ear phones, hand held quiet games....I need to wait and see what this appointment brings to light. Truly wish this forum was a reality in the city I live!

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

kama, my headphones go with me everywhere. In a doctor's office, in a dental chair, in the hospital, that becomes my support companion along with deep breathing my way through stressful situations.

Not allowing your thoughts to get ahead of you will help in reducing some of the "fear of fear" aspect taking over now.

Maybe one day when this is behind you, your calling will be to start a support group for others in your city/town. Reaching out to others is so helpful to them as well as yourself because you do understand what it is like.

First things first, take care of kama. One day at a time, first getting through the scan. Tomorrow night you will be able to check that off your list of things to do. An accomplishment which is important with anxious people. xx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

I too find music "soothing" especially if I am very scared. I try to concentrate on the words. They taught us at CBT class to try to distract from our worrying situation (often easier said than done!) and I do try. I had a great # of years when I totally enjoyed life, traveled with family and maintained a job. Paxil did do wonders, until it started to fail after 18 yrs. One day I hope to go back to the happy times....I'm not getting any younger and want to enjoy my senior years minus fear and anxiety! Agora 1, tomorrow I go to the endocrinologist appointment regarding the growth on my adrenal gland. I think you are mixing me with lulu-1 who is having a scan on Thursday. I too will have her in my thoughts all day. Thank you for being here.

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

You're right kama, I'm so sorry. You did have the scan already. Switch that to I'll keep you in my thoughts while at the Endocrinologist It's all about keeping Anxiety at bay. Good Luck dear...xx

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

Oh that's where I got confused...I remembered seeing something about a CAT scan. Let's see what the doctor says first, it may not be needed. But he knows your medical history and will do what is best for you. xx

[Tonyhope]

You can call me at 7733318844 I'm Tony

[kama24 in reply to Tonyhope]

Thank you Tonyhope you are very kind.

[_j1971_]

I know this is late but thought I would post anyway. Don’t ever feel like your troubles are “less than” someone else’s troubles. We can create more anxiety for ourselves by comparing our situations to others and telling ourselves to “just get over it because we’re not as bad off as someone else.” You are entitled to feel the way you do. They are your feelings and are very real and very scary. I think accepting them is a good first step. Have you thought about counseling. My therapist has been a life saver in teaching me these things. Hope you’re results were good and that you are feeling better.

[kama24]

Hello, I have battled with the now constant condition I'm in for over 2 years now. Prior to that I had panic attacks and anxiety most of my life starting from teen years. I am on 3 prescription meds. I go bi monthly to a psychiatrist but I think I have him "stumped" too! I've attended CBT classes, and all of which they teach you makes perfect sense, but try to implement it on yourself! Thank you for your kind thoughts. I have started to take pure ginger candy for the nausea. I'm just thankful it eases off as the day goes by. It is so tiring fighting this daily feeling of "fear and pending doom". I'm not going to give up battling though. I want to enjoy life again.