Having a bad morning. Anxiety sits in the pit of my stomach sometimes my brain feels like it's on fire. I have a fear of death. But more the fear of how I feel when I fear death if that makes sense. I just can't feel like I belong here in this life anymore. Like life is like some strange phenomenon. But all I want to do is enjoy it but don't seem to remember how to do that. I go to work, go on trips, starting a new job but nothing seems to shake this mindset. The mornings are so hard to get out of bed. I'm just so fed up. I want to have normal thoughts and feelings. This last little while I feel like there's been some improvement but yesterday and today in the morning I'm feeling particularly low. I know I'll recover but it's taking so long. It's been almost 9 months of living in this hell. Life seems like such a struggle. I have just found out that I have low cortisol levels especially in the morning and my hormone levels are set for menopause. Low levels of all those hormones. I've just started some therapy for those and well see how that goes. Thank you all for being here. It's nice to have a place to let it out because I know it's wearing on everyone who is supporting me.