Trinidad and tobago

[Kerstindyer]

I desperately need help physical and emotional support. Has anyone here dealt with anxiety and a unsupportive emotionally abusive husband.

[Agora1]

Hi Kerstindyer, What can we do to support you through your emotional abuse. It is unacceptable that anyone should have to suffer through emotional abuse with a family member. The problem comes from them and not us. Their insecurities cause them to be incapable of showing empathy to anyone. As bad as physical abuse is, emotional abuse is worse in that the scars are not outwardly shown they are held deep inside the mind and heart of another.

No therapy could possibly solve the issue for you but can at least teach you how to not accept this kind of behavior. Oh it could go into a screaming match but you would come out shaking and anxiety out of control. It's time for learning other ways to cope with abuse of any kind. You are strong and don't ever let anyone make you feel inferior because of your anxiety.

The forum is a safe place for you to come in knowing we understand and we care. x

[Kerstindyer in reply to Agora1]

Just so you know. I haven't talked to anyone about this until last night I told him and I totally regret it. My mom I told her too last night but she's no where close to me to help I'm all alone looking for company from my two year old daughter and this forum.

[Agora1 in reply to Kerstindyer]

I understand. I remember you saying that family was some distance. Some people can handle talking problems over while others pull away even more. What do you regret about telling him. Do you feel that you are even in a more threatening position? There are men who try to take any self esteem a woman might have. Taking away their security, leaving them feel vulnerable. Is there a crisis center that you can call and have someone talk with you. In the U.S. we have all kinds of help lines. I would suggest that. It's not good for your 2y.o. daughter to see or hear all this going on.

[Kerstindyer in reply to Agora1]

Well I got through with a hotline i spoke to someone and it helped. But he's very vulnerable and I regret telling him what my Dr told mw cause i was going through my stuff daily by my self.

[Agora1 in reply to Kerstindyer]

I understand. I am glad that you got through to a hotline and that it helped. As husband and wife, they should be able to share what troubles the other. It's not healthy to carry this alone. Well you took that step outside of your comfort zone. Whether you pursue it or not at least your husband has something to digest. Use the advice of the hotline, call again if you feel need to. You need that support. x

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

I had an emotionally abusive first husband. Sometimes I wished he would just hit me because his words were worse. He called me stupid, fat and ugly. I did everything to try to please him and catered to his every sexual and emotional need. I thought eventually he would see my soul. He only called me worthless and it's been sixteen years and that still sticks with me. I got a divorce after eight years and found a man that treats me like gold. I made sure to never accept anything less. I didn't have children with him and I know it makes a huge difference. Please dont let your children learn to accept that behavior from a partner. They will see it I you. You are young. Don't suffer for longer than you have to. Big hugs!

[Kerstindyer in reply to Hidden]

OK I'm sooooo glad you are in a better position for your mental health. I have scheduled a marriage counselor so I'll see what happens after that.

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

Great idea. Pete can change and it's great you are willing to get him that chance. In my case I had a deadline and it didn't improve by that time I was out. He wouldn't do counseling. I so vividly remember hugging him the last time I ever saw him and saying, sorry I hurt you and never looking back. Haven't seen him since. He knows from Facebook that I remarried shortly afterwards and finally had a baby. Me and him lost to pregnancies and that caused a lot of stress. Sometimes I hurt for him but I couldn't help him. I could only help myself and my future children. It's had enough with the after effects to be a good mother now. Update us on the counseling. I am starting to think your symptoms we spoke of earlier are from stress. It will wreck your central nervous system but still get some blood work in case.

[Kerstindyer in reply to Hidden]

It all started when I found out I was pregnant last year and we weren't financially stable so days upon days he comes home late and gets up early to eat and me with my big belly wasn't staying up after 10 at nights and get up 3 am to hold any conversation. So that kinda pulled him away but things got better. The we found out it was twins and that was the end of it my anxiety begun cuz I found out i had to do a c sec. And on wards to today he thinks I'm mad and looks for attention. But like most of us here we feel better when someone is arround. And he's never around so I'm always on edge and left to look after 3 young ones. I too am giving him a dead line. Cause I want to get mentally better.

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

Twins must be so ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard. I am a step mother of a marine and we had one baby together and that was a strain on us for sure. My husband is away working for several months now for the first time and I feel the stress from being alone. Is there any time you may have to set aside for you two, even if you get a babysitter? Gotta have time to get close and see if it's worth a try but he has to treat you well no matter what. I have learned that kids are happier and healthier with parents that get along divorced than together in chaos. They see it and feel it even at that age I promise you.

[Kerstindyer in reply to Hidden]

Wow well good much for you how old is your child. When ever I ask him to go any where he has an excuse but I would see him hanging with friends instead. It have days on end he doesn't change a diaper or make a meal for even one of the 3, children. I constantly talk to him and try not to argue for the kids sake.. But if he can't understand my situation with out making me feel worst about my self then that would have to be it. One day we were at the supermarket with the 3 kids and stopped to eat and my attack started I felt at that moment I was going to die I placed my head on the table and told him how I was feeling that too took my appetite. One of the children started to cry and he told me to try to quiet him down Cause hes eating and can't do it. Which at that moment I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it back k home and got angry when I didn't respond

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

My daughter is ten but defiant as I have spoiled her since I waited so long to get her. I have a hard time being a strong parent because I feel guilty even getting on to her so it's real hard for me. I would be very resentful if my husband didn't do much. We share most of the work. You must be exhausted. And the situation at the restaurant is I inexcusable. He may never support you or understand you and then you may face some hard decisions. But with kids try first with a deadline for sure. It's so hard to do but you get past it and now after 13 years my husband was just someone I once knew and this new life has been going on for 13 years and will be the rest of my life. It's just a drop on a bucket but seems impossible to leave at the time, I know. Do what is best for you and the kids not was is easiest. It was easier to stay in abuse for me because that was what I was taught from three on, but I did the right thing. I hope either way you are happy. In the end we really just have to live with ourselves.

[Kerstindyer in reply to Hidden]

Thanksfor your advice I will definitely keep you up dated

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

Thank you for sharing. It's not easy, I know. I'll be keeping up with you. I care what happens to you.

[Kerstindyer]

I definitely will

[Hidden in reply to Kerstindyer]

Sorry. Typo. His name is not Pete.