Hi everyone, for those of you whom have been following my posts you probably know that I am very cautious and anxious about when it comes to earning money / having a job.
For most people, being offered an interview for a job or getting a new job is an exciting time but for me, it is the complete opposite. I haven't even had the interview yet but my anxiety symptoms are already fluctuating. I can't get these horrible thoughts out of my head such as; breaking down at work, being late, being shouted at, not knowing what to do, being so anxious that i cannot explain that i do not understand something, STRESS, pressure, having an anxiety attack, being made to do stuff i don't want to do (such as deal with public, answer phones etc.), and also fear of being triggered even when someone at my new job mentions anything to do with answering phones, too much work, confusion and having to deal with people.
I am basically helping design jewellery for a local designers new collection - however I cannot stop fearing and thinking about the other 'little' things she may ask me to do which will trigger my anxiety and I will either have a breakdown or a panic attack. This has happened before when I worked as a graphic design assistant, and one of the jobs was to answer phones and I freaked out and started crying and having a panic attack even though I told her I couldn't do it and she completely understood.
I just feel so triggered by work, it's the one thing which makes my anxiety 10000x worse no matter what job - because of the fear or being asked to do something I literally cannot do and I feel extremely uncomfortable with.
Should I tell her after the informal interview about my mental health issues? Or should I send her an email before I start work (if i get the job) because I know that if I tell her face to face I will break down. It's very difficult for me to hide my emotions but I will also be extremely embarrassed if I do break down in front of her - embarrassment is also a huge trigger for me so if I do freak out I will feel very triggered and my thoughts and symptoms will most likely get worse. How do I put it into words in a way that someone will understand? In professional terms?
I have never felt comfortable in the work place. In the past I've had to double my medication every day I went in just to get through the day (although sometimes I couldn't even manage that). I just hate money and hate working. They are both triggers for me and the stress will not only have an affect on my mental health but also my physical health. It's just a constant loop of terror.
Peace and Love,