Anixety and panic attacks since teenage.

Since I was 5 y I say guns and civil wars, even though my dad used to take us out of the country when the fighting starts, there were still times that we lived in shelters, waiting to find a way to get out of the country, the first time I faced this feeling I was 13 or 14 years old- and I woke up in he middle of the night panicked and shivering . And I could not explain why nither to my self nor to my parents, I was just saying I'm afraid I'm panicking I don't know from what, they gave me a sleeping pill to relax me

Then it kept on happening night after night. But I wasn't telling any body. This was in 1982-1983

After a few months I got used to it . And when it happens I go for long walks, and it would go away, some attackes lasted hours, Then it disappeared and I couldn't feel it any more.

In 1987 when I was 18 it came back again in light attackes, the weird thing is that it was coming only when I was having sex with my boyfriend, but I never told him about it, again it disappeared for a few years, then it came back.

In 1989 and 1990 It came back in a much more severe way, I was trying my best to control it. The feeling was there 24 hrs, but with in variable severity the maximum sleep I could get was 60 separated minutes a day for around 30 days, I lost 6 kg's without dieting, I went to see a psychologist who said it's sever anxiety and panic attacks, that might lead to severe depression if not treated and he prescribed for me lexotonil, but I refused to take it, I don't like being druged, I told him I will get over it by my self, the way my brain created it I'll teach my brain to uncreat it, my psychologist thought I'm crazy for insisting and that I'm driving my self to insanity. ( still remember one of the feelings I used to face during the day time attacks, it was like when I look at the people I feel that they are spirits all of us are spirits, and that this body is vanishing we all are going to die, I look at the building s and the mountains and my brain says all of this is vanishing, nothing will stay. You are going to go crazy and end up in a psychopath facility ) all I was trying is to erase the thoughts, and indulge my self in a conversation with who ever is there with me. Sometimes when i was alone , I used to cry and slam my head wishing from god for the thoughts to go.

And I kept ignoring the feelings I'm having and indulging my self with more activities, after 2 month it started declining and coming only a few hours a day and a few hours at night, it kept on like that for a few months till it disappeared.

I never faced it again until April last year I was deployed at the US forces camps in Iraq where I worked as a life supporter for the Marines, after 3 months and having some hard times there, triggered it again and I started getting this funny panic feeling when I'm trying to sleep the minute i fall into sleep I get it and it wakes me up, or feel that I'm falling and i wake up, so I get out of bed and I do any thing other than sleeping, reading, open the TV anything for 30 min then I try to go back to sleep, after 6 month. I resigned my job because I don't want to pass through these feelings again, what is really irritating for me it's not the feeling it self, it's very light and I can overcome it easily but its that it brings back memories of worse severe feelings.

Thank you guys for reading this and I would appreciate to hear your experiences and how you overcomes your feelings and the overwhelmings it brings.

Wissa