So I know I have relationship anxiety as it has happened to me with an ex same exact symptoms same exact timing too of the year (end September early October) and that was when my parents got divorced too. My current boyfriend is amazing and literally I can find no wrong even though I constantly look for wrong . I hate it and I have gotten to points that I just want to sleep all day and at times I'm so fed up with it I just don't want to wake up ever again. I know it is seasonal as I have gotten this way even without a relationship but can work through it but this terrifies me as I don't want to leave him but my anxiety finds ways to creep back and ask why I'm with him or if i truly love him. I have had nightmares too of him leaving me for someone else and saying I'm not good enough and he does love me but he loves her more and I am literally heart broken crushed in the dreams. I know I have a fear of abandonment as I push ppl away a lot too friends and family . I am not sure if I should take medication as it only happens during winter time it seems or what ? Am I going crazy or is this anxiety and depression because even at times my anxiety doubts my anxiety and is like oh no it's something else. I don't want to leave him that's a fact for sure but nothing seems to excite me or make me happy at all. Even going to see my horse which I love constantly doesn't make me excited but I know durin spring and summer it does.
I take vitamins and vitamin D and have a happy light too to help but idk what else to do or if I need medication or not . I was prescribed Zoloft but I know that has severe side effects and I would like something that doesn't effect me as much or I can only take a certain time of year . Any advice or thoughts on this? Anyone else experience this ? I also know I get super clingy too. Like I didn't want to go home at all to sleep alone and be without him I wanted to spend all my time there with him which I even know is unhealthy . Thoughts ?