Hi, I'm new here and never done this before but been suffering from what can only be described as really bad anxiety attacks since my recent break up and I need some advice. I don't want to bore anyone with the full details but I've never experienced this type of anxiety before and feel like I'm losing it. I'm aware of anxiety and the feelings it can create as I did a paper on it during my time at University studying to become a teacher. However, over the last 3 months I've felt every emotion in the book from pure sadness to extreme anger. Every night is a struggle to fall asleep and every day I just don't feel myself. What caught my attention were the physical feelings I've been suffering such as extreme heart palpitations where my heart feels like it's going to explode. I become short of breathe and feel the lump in my throat develop and find myself fighting back the pain. At first I thought it was a panic attack but I've never suffered from them before but as time went on the only thing I could relate it to was the feeling of panic. At first I just thought it was heartbreak but the longer it has been the stronger the feelings of anxiety have become. Don't get me wrong I've been through break ups before but none have come close to this. I'm 34 and really felt like I had met the person I would grow old with. All my past relationships never felt like what I had with her and only lasted 1 year tops. However, this one ended after 2 1/2 years. She suffered from social anxiety which I tried to understand but in all honesty I don't think I did as she wouldn't communicate her feelings very well.
Before meeting her I use to be strong, confident, out-going, happy and independent. I chose to be single for 7 years since my last relationship to concentrate on my career. I had the odd fling here and there but never anything serious. However, when I hit my 30's I thought it was time to find someone to share my life with as I had my career sorted. When I met her we just clicked, it was great, yes we had our ups and downs throughout the relationship but only normal. I never introduce my partners to my parents as I know I'm letting them fully into my life but she was the first to do this and considering she suffered from social anxiety she got on with them like a house on fire. My life started to feel complete and as we started to talk about our future together it only made things feel better. However, out of the blue she decided to end our relationship over the telephone hours before we were to set to fly for a weekend break away. It devastated me, I have never felt such strong emotion before. I literally broke down and cried all night the moment I got off the phone. I felt like a 15 year old school boy all over again. She wanted to meet the following day which I did and was clearly upset by the decision but she said it was for the best. I tried my best to hold my emotions together but struggled. I've met up with her a couple more times after that but not seen her since the end of August. During our meet ups I tried to talk about things but the emotion was just too strong, so I could never really got my points across. That's when I decided to send her a letter where I could address things without getting emotional. She replied but didn't address a lot of things that I spoke about in my letter which doesn't bother me as I'm glad I got to say the things I wanted.
As it's been 3 months, I have slowly accepted the end of the relationship but I am now a shell of the person I once was. I dread having to go out yet I dread staying in alone. I visit my brother and his family but still doesn't take away the feelings and thoughts going on in my head. I speak to my parents and they are great but yet the anxiety is there. When I go home and I'm just sitting watching the television I suddenly get heart palpitations out of nowhere and then the sudden shortness of breathe and a very low mood set in.
I try to keep busy by working a lot but when I come home it's just me and the four walls. Thoughts creep in and then the emotional rollercoaster sets off. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I went to seek therapy but it wasn't really working for me and was just costing me more money than anything.
I'm sorry for the long post or if I've posted in the wrong forum but just need some advice on how to deal with the attacks I've been getting. Sometimes I'll get an attack just as I'm trying to sleep and then I can't sleep for another hour or so. I am honestly at a loss here as to what I need to do.