Im Jasmeen and Im 19 years old. Me and my boyfriend of 10 months separated about 3 weeks ago.I really do love him and would say that he is my first love. We met through a mutual friend back in November on a night out, started seeing each other pretty much straight away then were in a relationship by January. We fully understand each other and connect on every level, on the first day we met we cried about things we've never even mentioned to other people, both of us are not the type to just pour our heart out to anyone. I live in swindon and he goes to university in London. It was not hard commuting back then as I was in my gap year and basically lived at his and spent the summer at his parents home in Manchester.
Me and him left it at a very good place, the day we separated, we spent the day cuddling,crying and reminiscing as we still love each other and he took me to the coach station, it was like our final goodbye and we were emotional. Its not been working lately as i have finished my gap year and now back in education(no time to visit him) also I ended up at his last tuesday and spent the whole of wednesday together. I have never suffered from anxiety until the second week of the breakup, it disappeared after wednesday, after seeing him but its back. I do not wish to get back with him as I am in college and its an intense course and I have no time to commute, and he is in second year of university in London, I am going to a university in London next year too.
I have been dealing with depersonalisation since March/April, this is one of the main reasons I cannot get back with him as since of March I have been constantly worrying about everything, especially him and a lot of paranoia and very emotional at random times which is nothing like me. Depersonalisation has really affected my life, he was support system and I would kind of forget about it with him but it was still there. I had hoped that being with him would get me back to normal as he does make me happy but it did not work, I think my constant worrying about him did not help my recovery from depersonalisation at all. I thought this breakup would help me get back to being who i was before, back to the normal me but instead I now have constant anxiety. In the past two weekends I have been drinking, taking illegal substance and being so emotional, which is nothing like me. Everyone Ive spoken to understands the breakup but they do not understand depersonalisation. Please help me and give me some advice. I was hoping someone on here might have dealt with a similar situation. Thank you x