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Resilience & upbringing

I read a very interesting article yesterday that explained something that has puzzled me for a long time. Why is it that some kids can have the most awful experiences growing up, & come through it without mental scars, while others are damaged for life. It was a bit complicated. but the gist of it was that it`s all about which genes you inherit. Iv`e always suspected this, & I know that I didn`t get a good set of genes, thanks to my parents!

6 Replies

Hi Hairy, it is a weird one this genetic thing x My mam had anxiety and when growing up I watched her suffer it and now I have it, yet Im one of 7 and the others are fine x Im wondering if mine is more habit due to watching her habit x My upbringing was the pits never known my dad so could not say if it comes from him, but my sister is his brothers child and she is fine x yes its complicated lol x Donver x


Hi hairyfairy, I also find this very interesting. Myself and my partner were treat very badly as children, in pretty equal measures, I struggle on a daily basis (have done for years) whereas he is probably the strongest man I have ever met! It's comforting to know its all in our genes and not just failure on my part, thanks for the reassurance:)

Warmest wishes

Eva x


I had a baby when I was 18, had him adopted. a couple of years ago he got in touch through an agency. He mentioned that he`d suffered from depression in the past, & that made me feel so guilty because my mother was depressed for years, & ended up in hospital having ECT. I though he`d be safe because despite my upbringing, Iv`e never had clinical depression, just unhappiness about life in general. I realise now that it obviously skipped a generation, & if I`d known this I would have begged to be sterilised as soon as I hit my teens!


Oh Hairy that's awful for your son, but as you say if genetic not your fault, Im pretty sure he is just glad to have a chance of life no matter how crappy it can get. and these days we have so much better help and meds and such xx


Really sorry to disagree but to me it is much more than genes. Genes play a part but so does the way we are nurtured or not and how a special bond is created with someone. This is usually the mother but can be grandparents, a teacher etc. Positive nuturing helps us to build resilience and helps us to cope with what life throws at us to a lesser or greater degree. just thought i'd say my bit



Hi I agree with you it's nature and nurture. You. Could have great genes but if you are never given love or care , then the good genes would not be enough

A living secure childhood helps us and builds our resilience.

It's a whole interesting debate really



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