Resilience & upbringing

I read a very interesting article yesterday that explained something that has puzzled me for a long time. Why is it that some kids can have the most awful experiences growing up, & come through it without mental scars, while others are damaged for life. It was a bit complicated. but the gist of it was that it`s all about which genes you inherit. Iv`e always suspected this, & I know that I didn`t get a good set of genes, thanks to my parents!


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6 Replies

  • Hi Hairy, it is a weird one this genetic thing x My mam had anxiety and when growing up I watched her suffer it and now I have it, yet Im one of 7 and the others are fine x Im wondering if mine is more habit due to watching her habit x My upbringing was the pits never known my dad so could not say if it comes from him, but my sister is his brothers child and she is fine x yes its complicated lol x Donver x

  • Hi hairyfairy, I also find this very interesting. Myself and my partner were treat very badly as children, in pretty equal measures, I struggle on a daily basis (have done for years) whereas he is probably the strongest man I have ever met! It's comforting to know its all in our genes and not just failure on my part, thanks for the reassurance:)

    Warmest wishes

    Eva x

  • I had a baby when I was 18, had him adopted. a couple of years ago he got in touch through an agency. He mentioned that he`d suffered from depression in the past, & that made me feel so guilty because my mother was depressed for years, & ended up in hospital having ECT. I though he`d be safe because despite my upbringing, Iv`e never had clinical depression, just unhappiness about life in general. I realise now that it obviously skipped a generation, & if I`d known this I would have begged to be sterilised as soon as I hit my teens!

  • Oh Hairy that's awful for your son, but as you say if genetic not your fault, Im pretty sure he is just glad to have a chance of life no matter how crappy it can get. and these days we have so much better help and meds and such xx

  • Really sorry to disagree but to me it is much more than genes. Genes play a part but so does the way we are nurtured or not and how a special bond is created with someone. This is usually the mother but can be grandparents, a teacher etc. Positive nuturing helps us to build resilience and helps us to cope with what life throws at us to a lesser or greater degree. just thought i'd say my bit


  • Hi I agree with you it's nature and nurture. You. Could have great genes but if you are never given love or care , then the good genes would not be enough

    A living secure childhood helps us and builds our resilience.

    It's a whole interesting debate really


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