Errrr........

[Bridget14]

Hi Everyone,

I've never done a forum thingy before so not quite sure what to do but I'm guessing I just share my story, ask advice and hope to speak with others who are going through the same bloody ordeal..

So......hi, my name is Bridget, I'm 30 years old and I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for on and off 15 years now. I've been medicated (not anymore) and have been to see a councillor and whilst these have worked at the time, the results are shortived and I always come back to this state of mind. And it's particularly bad at the moment. I have a constant knot in my chest which keeps me up at night and I worry about EVERYTHING, from how other people perceive me, to the thought that I'm dying. Tonight I have been worrying about having my 2 year old niece tmw (which I do regularly) and I keep thinking that something will happen to her in my care.......I can see that it is totally irrational but I can't help it. I feel so bloody crazy because I have a great fiancé, family and friends but nobody understands what this is like. I feel utterly trapped and tortured. And it's a vicious circle as to stop feeling like this I hit the bottle and then feel 10 times worse the next day. I hate being like this and just cannot see light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel awful asking everyone on here for advice as you all have this to deal with too, but if anyone can offer any tips as to how I pull myself together, I'd be grateful.

Thanks

Bridge xx

[thomson1898]

Hello Bridget & welcome

I'm sure others will be along soon with much better advice than myself but,

No.1 Never feel bad about coming here & asking for advice, that is what this place is for.

No.2 I'm afraid I can't offer any tips on how to pull yourself together. If we could pull ourselves together we'd do it, but it's not that easy is it, as I'm sure you know.

No.3 Hitting the bottle, been there, done that etc. & no, it's not the answer. Trust me, I understand why you do, but as you know, it's only a very short term fix. I found the best way was either have no drink in the house, or just don't have a drink for one night. Have a cup of tea instead. Tell yourself I won't drink tonight, tomorrow I might but tonight I won't.

It's not crazy, there is no reason why we feel like we do, but it does help to talk.

Take care

x

[Hidden]

Hi Bridget & welcome

Everything thomson has said is very true & i agree with the good advise she has already given

I no you say you have been on meds , counselling & it has helped but only short term , well i would still go back to the GP & tell them how you are feeling & say that those things did work , but you are finding it hard again & what else could they do , as there are other options

I no the fear you talk about , I used to have the same fear with my own children , it is anxiety & try telling those thoughts to go away because that is what the are thoughts & the more we fear them the more control we give them , it takes practice but it does give them less control , & they will get less

Keep talking because people do understand how you feel & it does help especially knowing you are not alone

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Gambit62]

sorry to hear that things are getting on top of you.

a) alcohol is actually a depressant - initially it depresses some of the inhibitions which makes you feel more talkative and sociable but it is bad news ... having said that though I do like the odd tipple now and then and understand that there is a rather pleasant anaesthetic affect. However, it's a drug and like all drugs it needs to be treated with a lot of respect - not least because it is also poisonous.

b) on the thoughts of death - this is how I understand them. They are perfectly normal. When you are stressed your brain is looking for an out and death is the ultimate out. I've had people who are not and never have been depressives or suffer from chronic anxiety describe death thoughts that they have had at moments of extreme distress. However, sometimes it back-fires, eg when the thought of death itself becomes a source of stress and anxiety so the brain tries more thoughts of death to calm you and it just becomes a viscious and very scarey roller-coaster ride. Been there - done that - have the t-shirt. If that is the case then you need to break the cycle - you can do it. I thought it was going to take me weeks but it actually took me a few days. The thoughts still come but now the conscious thought is 'oh, I'm feeling a bit stressed then'. I acknowledge the thought and then get on with life. And here is how I did it. I imagined the thoughts were unwelcome visitors - you know, cold callers at the door - and I knew I had two choices. I could either cower in the house pretending not to be their until they went away, or I could go to the door, smile and politely say 'not today, thank you', close the door and go back to what I was doing. For years I'd been doing the cowering and pretending so I decided to do the opening of the door and was determined to keep at it until they got the message ... and that only took a couple of days.

Like you I have lived with anxiety and depression since I was quite young - must be 40 years now. Not that keen on doctors and drugs and probably wouldn't take them now anyway. Was on fluoxetine for a while ... one lasting side effect was that I don't get so het up by other people's driving now - was taken off it - probably too early - think the current wisdom is that you should take it for a year as that tends to give better long-term results - anyway I was put on citalopram at another point and that just gave me dreams that were so vivid - not unpleasant, just so vivid that I felt I was losing my grip on reality - so I've never taken anything since. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has been all the rage for a while and works for some but I think that people have recently cottoned on to just how good mindfulness meditation is at treating anxiety and depression disorders so the next thing seems to be MBCT (Mindfulness based cognitive therapy). I always thought meditation wasn't for me then I tried it a few years ago and it did help. The trick isn't freeing your mind of thoughts but recognising that you aren't your thoughts and being able to just let the thoughts come and go rather than getting caught up in spirals - like the death roller-coaster.

Not saying it will work for you but if you have tried medication and counselling and they don't really seem to have done more than put a temporary lid on it it may be worth seeing what meditation has to offer - think the buddhist schools of meditation are probably the best.

c) It is really hard when those closest to you don't understand what is going wrong - not least because they are desperate to help but just don't know how to help and what they do try often seems to make things worse ... or you find yourself trying to cope with their anxiety as well as yours. I don't have any real answers to that one. The people who help me most are those who don't try to understand but just accept but not everyone can do that. I also try to remind myself that the only real way to understand is to have experienced and I don't think any of us would wish that on anyone.

Hope you find peace

[Hidden]

Hi Bridget and welcome to the site.

First let me say you are now in the best place , this community is the most caring and understanding I have found . Here we have all been through the same as you and the help and advice given is so helpful . As has already been said the bottle offers no real answers if I were you I would try going to the doctors , I know you don't like meds but as you have said if you give them time the long term benefit is more beneficial .I hope my little bit of advice has helped .

Kenny-w xx

[seyi]

HI Bridget and welcome.

Glad you found this site it has become a life line for some of us especially when we are on a low ebb. I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks and think most of us all fear death being is something of the unknown. Try to not focus on this as it will send your stress level up and you will begin to panic more.

As what other people preceive of you let that pass over your head. Look in the mirror each day and say i like the person i see. We cannot be what others expect us to be we can only be the person we are and if people don;t like it tough. Advice i give myself fequently hahahah. As for the drink this is a short term solution because you blot it out short term but in the morning the problem still remains.

Perhaps you should go back to the Doctor's tell him/her exactly how you are feeling and perhaps short term they can prescribe you something to help. I am really anti pills but decided to take a small dose of Citalopram just to help me get through this rough patch and its working

As for looking after children etc you straight away go into panic mode in fear or something happening to yourself and not being in control. I say this beacuse i have felt this way also.

I am glad you have joined the site and keep talking people here are understanding and very supportive. Sometimes the more you talk about your feelings the better you feel knowing your not an isolated case. I wish you all the best.

Take care

Love Seyi xxx