Help Wanted

[Randone101]

Trigger Warning: Intrusive Thoughts

Hey all, I’ve been hanging around this community for 2 weeks now, I’ll go into what’s been going on in my life, I need serious advice and pray someone has experienced what I’m going through

Background: In my early 20s I had my first battle with anxiety and panic attacks. Was related

to a relationship I stayed in for FAR too long and I had anxiety everyday. Every bought I had with anxiety after that seemed to be related to relationships.

3 months ago I started having sleep problems that led me to panicking I was going to pass out in my masters class. This progressed to panic every time I went to class, it became unbearable. I then started having near constant anxiety daily about 2 weeks ago. I got approval to start taking lexapro again, 4 days in while agonizing on the couch I had my first thought of “I don’t want live if I have to deal with this forever” and that sent me into a deep deep spiral. Now, daily, when I look at sharp objects I get intrusive thoughts of using them on myself. When I’m driving I get thoughts of swerving.

I’ve never in my life had these thoughts, once. Ever. The first thought came four days into lexapro, my doctor swapped me to Celexa and Buspirone. 4 days into that and they got brutally bad. Im with my parents who have been made fully aware. Doctor told me to stop the meds for a few days to let celexa wear off as he’s convinced it’s the culprit and I was on them for so little that weening wasn’t needed.

Does anyone have experience with this?

[BlueStroganoff]

hi Randone101, while I have not experienced this, my husband gets intrusive thoughts, and they ramped up while he was on medication. He said it took about 3-4 weeks for the intrusive thoughts to reduce in frequency after he was taken off meds. He is off medication now, but says his intrusive thoughts will pop up every once in a while when he is feeling particularly anxious. He says that what helps him understand it is an intrusive thought and that he won’t follow through with it is that the thought of hurting himself makes him more anxious. Almost like, the fact that he’s anxious over hurting himself is proof that he doesn’t really want to hurt himself, which helps him get through it. I hope that made sense.

Could you ask your doctor for something to help you fall asleep? Maybe that will reduce your anxiety around classes?

[Randone101 in reply to BlueStroganoff]

Thank you so much for responding, I also have an annoying voice telling me I’m going to fail and it’s going to make me do these things, like a double whammy, I have an ambien but I feel like I need to get my doctor to get me a very very temporary short term benzodiazepine prescription. Just give me 2 pills I don’t care

[Alpakka123]

Hi,How scary for you. I'm glad that you have a good support system. That's very important. Have they ever discussed hospitalization with you to get you through this crisis? I was on celexa many years ago, so I don't remember how I reacted to it. I can tell you though that I've had extremely scary side effects on various medications over the years.

I see that you're on Ambien. Can I ask how it's going? Because Ambien was an awful medicine for me.

[Randone101 in reply to Alpakka123]

I only had 10 pills prescribed and the longest I took it was for 4-5 nights, it definitely didn’t make me feel refreshed in the morning. I need to feel not tired in the morning just once. We’ve talked about hospitalization but we dont have a lot of great places around where I live.

I appreciate it, I’m going to tell them I need serious help today.

[Alpakka123 in reply to Randone101]

Glad to hear it! Please keep us posted!

[BeagleHeart]

I've been struggling with intense intrusive thoughts myself for the past two years. Currently I am reading a book on the topic and have learned thus far that fighting these thoughts actually reinforces them, and that were suppose to just let them happen and pass by without judging ourselves for having them and always remembering they're just thoughts. One thing this experience has taught me is that my anxiety gives my thoughts far more importance than what they deserve. The book is called, "overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts" co-authored by Sally Winston and Martin Seif

[Randone101]

well, not a lot of sleep tonight, but it’s okay I have a strong plan in place moving forward. Taking time off work, going to try and get something to help me relax from my psychiatric nurse, and next week we’re looking at in person mental health residential care. Not a lot near us but some within a few hours that seem to be very well regarded.