I'm not good with titles

[Garguantuan]

Imagine that you're whole life you've been afraid of pain. Any and all types of it. So you learn how to avoid it. As you grow older and wiser, you start to recognize signs of things that MAY bring you pain. You start avoiding them, as well. When anyone asks, you've learned how to respond to satisfy them so they don't nag while reassuring them all is well. Imagine the lies you tell yourself somehow become you're reality. Anything that may threaten you're reality (even the truth) immediately gets avoided. You hide a lot. You crave peace but find it hard to hold onto. You turn to making others feel happy, helping them when they ask, sacrificing time, money, and emotion. You don't realize it, at first, but you use people to make yourself feel better and you justify it because you're being kind. Imagine that you lose trust in people. The voices have grown to an unavoidable level and they tell you that people use you. That no one actually cares about you. Since the voices have been around longer than any "friends", it must be true, right? The voices protect you. Do they often berate you? Yes, but we don't talk about that. Do they remind you specifically of hurtful things in your past? Yes, but we don't talk about that. Do the voices EVER lead you astray with solid proof that what you thought isn't how it actually happened...? Yes, but we don't talk about that. What we constantly talk about it how we are not enough, all alone, better off not here, and trusting people is one of the worst mistakes you'll ever make. When do we talk about these things? All day, every day. So we stuff the voices and thoughts deep into the recesses of our mind and push through. We go to work, we take care of our family, we plan outings, we communicate with friends, etc... But any quiet time, any physical alone time, any triggering moment, and the voices and thoughts come rushing from the recesses as a tornado of anxiety and depression. We listen. We give them time to run their relentless course. We lose sleep. We don't eat. But then, we do what is tried and true. We push them back deep into the recesses of our mind and push through with smile and lies on our face. Imagine that this has been your little secret for so long that your "happy place" is not a place on Earth.

[Agora1]

Welcome Garguantuan to a safe and caring place to come.

Maybe we can help you through your thoughts and feelings.

It sounds like it's time for a change. You deserve better than this.

I'm happy you found us xx

[Garguantuan in reply to Agora1]

Me too. I've already read some really encouraging things. Knowing I'm not alone is saddening but encouraging.