I've reached my absolute limit with therapy and medications. I know for a fact there isn't much more they can do to help my self-loathing now. They helped every other issue I had, but the self-loathing is too much. It's a constant, the only thing I've ever known.
Now I believe ketamine therapy might be my only hope really. Has anyone here ever went through it? How bad was your condition before it? What was your experience with it? Did you really improve afterwards?
Hey there! So I underwent ketamine therapy some months back for mainly depression, although I also suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and bipolar I. The latter is in partial remission, so only the depressive part has been bothering me the most in recent years. Unfortunately, I was in pretty bad shape. It had been really hard to care for myself, hold down a job, or maintain healthy relationships.
First things first: the treatment itself is actually really pleasant! The clinicians sat me in a nice quiet room with a comfy recliner and blankets, turned down the lights and played some chill music. You can tell when the ketamine is entering your system because you'll start to feel kinda high and see all these cool colors and shapes. Also, you'll probably start to talk out of your head and say things to the staff that doesn't make sense, but don't worry, they get that all the time lol.
Sad to say, though, I didn't complete the full mood series because honestly, the relief was very short-term. And by short-term, I mean the only time I really felt good was during the treatment. After I left the clinic, I felt the same as I had been feeling before. I was told by one of the practitioners that I should've felt some difference in my mood by that point. But its also worth considering that I didn't get the full benefits I was looking for because I didn't do the full series.
I really hope my sharing my experience helps you make an informed decision about what you'd want to do. I'll check back soon if you have any other questions! 
💛
Sorry to hear that you feel at "the end of your rope" with this intractable problem of self-loathing. Seriously, you are lucky that you can identify a problem/symptom. Much worse is when you suffer for reasons that are not clear or conscious and you don't know why. I would continue to chip away at this problem via therapy, either by trying a different type of therapy or trying a different therapist. Medication is a "black box" that may offer some relief but does not explain anything. I take medication but I think that the potential for relief is greater with therapy.
I have had ketamine therapy for over a year and a half. It worked wonders for me at first. Then it stopped working after 3 months of my first treatment. I no longer do those treatments.
Anyone here try art therapy?
Tomorrow is my last group therapy session 
TMS Therapy?
Therapy?
