Can't stop

[PeaceNeed]

This is my second post in 10 minutes. I feel Aweful. Worse than yesterday. I started new med small dose and took an Ambien to calm down. I'm old I can't take this. My mind keeps on bringing up old memories andcwont stop. Every bad thing I've ever experienced or done bombarding me.I want it to stop.

[Hidden]

Sending a hug

Pooh hug

[roses4all]

I so wish that I could give you my psychologist. He has shut those thoughts down so much in me. Try again Peace. There is a psychologist who can do that for you.

[CrowBoy]

I know how you feel about old stuff keeps popping up. I’m 69 and I think all the time about things from my childhood that I’m ashamed of. When my anxiety gets rolling I’m bombarded by hate messages from myself. Why I’ve decided I must do this I don’t know, but I know where you’re at, Peace Need, and I wish you strength to get through the bad times .

[fauxartist in reply to CrowBoy]

If your talking about abuse.... it was not your fault, ....you have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn't cause this.....no one has the right to take the light out of a child's eyes....we were just kids.....we had no control over our environments or what others could did to us....

I was told there were no monsters....but there are....no as adults...we can slay those monsters. Therapy is absolutely important to help guide us, and sharing and writing about it in safe places takes the power out of these fears....your not alone.

[CrowBoy in reply to fauxartist]

I appreciate your comment and concern. No, it was not abuse, just my mind punishing me over and over for things in my past I can’t accept. I’m working toward acceptance.

[fauxartist in reply to CrowBoy]

Acceptance is really our only reconciliation of things we cannot change. We can't change what has happened. We can only cope with it today, the best way we can. I did a lot of things to punish myself for thinking I was less than, and in turn hurt those that I loved in doing so. I had to forgive myself...or I was never going to grow, and heal. But I don't have to forgive the unforgivable that was done to me as a kid...that's on them.

[Hidden]

hi peaceNeed, I am 63 and struggle with constant intrusive thoughts about my abusive childhood,especially around the holidays. I have no memory of Christmas from age 7 to 13. Those years were extremely traumatic and I repressed them. I’m glad because the ones I remember are terrible. I am struggling with chronic pain and depression as well.

I have been coping by pushing thoughts out and replacing them with repetition like prayer,songs, and distractions. I am doing this constantly lately, holidays. I hope you find your own way of taking charge and pushing ugly thoughts out. Posting here is helpful because you’re not alone. 🙏🏻✌🏻

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

Your not alone.... I never had holidays until I was an older adult.

[Hiplucy]

How I wish I had a word, a phrase, an answer for you. I too am old (71) and surprised as how anxious and discouraged I feel sometimes. It's surprising how at a stage in life when memory fails us so often, we remember clearly and painfully other things from long ago. When this happens to me I try to sit with those feelings and feel them completely, no matter how painful without trying to escape the pain. I don't know why we must do this. You are not alone. Many people here care about you and are accompanying you through this troubled time.

[fauxartist in reply to Hiplucy]

It's trauma.....I'm 71 too, and it's so deeply engrained in us... it unfortunately still gets triggered. My therapist told me this is damage that never completely goes away, and we can still get triggered. It seems especially hard at our age because we think we should be over all this stuff...why is it still there... but it is.... the only thing is, now it can't hurt us really unless we let it take up room in our head space, we can grab it and put it into perspective....those monsters are dead and gone to us....whether they are or not.... they are dead to me.