advice greatly appreciated

[kirstymarie96]

My husband is currently struggling with his mental health, he lost his mum unexpectedly in September and since then we have been constantly at each others throats, he wants space from me now but I’m too scared if he leaves he won’t come back, I’m trying to help him but I don’t know what more I can do, he refuses to take any type of medication and won’t talk to anyone. He is struggling and so am I but I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone, but I don’t know what to do

[LoveforAll41]

I went back and read some of your previous posts and maybe I have a bit more context. Still, I haven't lost my mother yet so can't relate really there. Where I can relate is being a man and not being good at showing emotions and not having good skills to welcome all emotions so I can work through them. If I were to try to give advice here I would try to just tell your husband that you want to be there for him through whatever feelings he needs to experience, and they're all okay to feel. Anger, resentment, loss, grief, wanting to curl up and give up, feeling pressure to provide, feeling alone, whatever. Given what you have been through he might take this as an opportunity to take some cheap shots... so use your discretion I guess. We can't really solve others problems, but we can accept their emotions and empathize. Hopefully you can get to where he can be vulnerable with you and work through this. I'd guess he would have some regret and some things he'd need to forgive himself for which might make it harder for him to open up to you. ☮️

[Greenstones]

hello, I am sorry you are going through a hard time. I don’t want to call this advice but rather sharing my personal experience. I don’t share my mental health issues with my wife and for me personally a big part of it is because I don’t want to make it a big deal, I am not looking for my wife to fix it or even share advice it would annoy me greatly and shut me down instantly. I just want a safe space that I can be comfortable telling my wife something and then not discussing it further unless I bring it up. I feel the ability to vulnerable without having to be judged or “helped” is really crucial to the healing process. Once I am to feel excepted completely then we can discuss further. Hope this helps.

[fauxartist]

Sometimes when we experience a great loss of a loved one, for fear of losing anyone else, we push people away that are closest to us. It's probably a time of processing a lifetime of feelings around losing his mom....He has to go through all the phases of grief to get to the other side of this, and all you can do is let him go through it on his own, we cannot fix anyone. I went through grief and loss counselling to deal with my issues....and it helped me to be able to talk to someone who didn't have any bias one way or another, I didn't have to worry about hurting their feelings, or guard what I said....I could just say what ever I needed to. And you may want to suggest that to him....for him to find some counselling to help him process his grief...but for sure, give him space, let him make his own choices....sometimes we want to help when really, the best way to do that is to just pull back.

[zqb95v]

Each of us deals with death of a loved one differently, and I only discovered that I hadn't really grieved for my parents deaths until I was in counselling for a very different issue. My wife took almost 3 years after the death of each of her parents before she was the same as before their deaths. Try to be supportive, it sounds like he wants space because perhaps you are trying too hard to be supportive (don't mean to be critical) from his perspective. Why does he need to leave to have space? As others have already said '' We can't really solve others problems, but we can accept their emotions and empathize. ''

[Hidden]

Sometimes we feel we need to "fix" things for somone in pain when all we really can do is stand by with hugs at the ready. 🫂

[kirstymarie96 in reply to Hidden]

I know I think that’s my only option right now