relationship questions

[Eggy386]

I don’t know if anyone can actually answer this, but a couple weeks ago I all of a sudden had a lack of interest in my relationship. Not that it’s been 100% the past 3 years we’ve been dating, but it was like a switch turned off one night and I just don’t think I can handle forever with him anymore. We’ve already had an initial conversation and we’re currently on a “pause” instead of a complete breakup under the conditions of me trying to work on my mental health, but I haven’t told him that it might be a lack of interest in him

I’ve been “what if” -ing into oblivion asking is it me or him or anxiety/depression. Just all of a sudden I found his personality super annoying, and my brain is exploding from the ruminations of a breakup and having that awful conversation

Like I feel that even if we could work it out, I’ve just convinced myself that I need to break up with him right now. But is it more just wanting to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling in the way I handle my anxiety, which is just running away? Staying with him sounds stressful but so is breaking up.

I was just starting to feel normal again with my health and therapy, so I don’t know if my brain was like “oh, now we have space in our head to think about the relationship” or “there’s nothing bad happening, and that’s uncomfortable so let’s make something”

He’s the most tolerable and supportive person with my mental and physical health struggles and is really good at calming me down and making me smile, and it was going well for a while but again I’ve been focusing on a lot of issues recently so I haven’t thought about our relationship deeply for a long time. His personality just stresses me out though sometimes.

I really don’t want to hurt him, but I’m not happy currently, but am I overthinking everything?

[AvocadoCat]

I am also dealing with losing feelings for my partner, but he is somewhat abusive, and very controlling. If he is good for you please keep fighting to make it work.

[Eggy386 in reply to AvocadoCat]

He’s the greatest person, but the right feelings don’t feel like they are there

[Dolphin14]

Eggy386

This is a tough one. What are you doing on break to try and figure this out? Are you guys talking things through? I think you have to be open and honest and talk in depth about the issues.

I wish you the best

🐬

[Bigoldogsmiles]

Hi eggy,I just went through something similar with my spouse of 40 years. This is my story. I was becoming very annoyed with him to the point I didn't want him around me at all. He is very gentle and caring but I am an independent person and my spouse has abandonment issues so if he gets nervous or bored he tends to dote snd fuss over me. This makes me feel incapable or incompetent and I was also feeling suffocated. It was driving me up the wall to the point I couldn't think. The point being is that his type of support and help is the opposite of what I need, which is space. If I am starting to feel annoyed by his presence now, I will remind him that I need my space and will either go out or ask him to go out or find another focus other than me. We also discovered that we each need to have a life outside of each other in order for us both to have our needs met. And yes, communication and respect is key.