Severe anxiety for far too long and don't really know what i'm anxious about anymore

[alpacadaisy]

Hi everyone, First time trying out online chat and support.

Just a little intro, I have been feeling stuck and anxious for the past two years. I have been a stay at home mom for close to 10 years. I do some side business selling items online. Felt deeply ashamed that I have not went back to work full time. The thought of not contributing enough and feeling guilty and shame has taken it's toll on me mentally , emotionally and physically. The hardest part is I have hid this all very well from all my friends and family. I used to be the lucky girl who has it all in terms of work, life and family. Lost my identity when i stopped working.

why not go back to work you might asked? I tried but burnout. I'm fortunate enough to stay home but between "got lazy and severe anxiety" i lost myself. i have so much free time, i'm anxious that i'm bored and don't have enough to do. my kid is already in middle school.

I have recently quit smoking last week. it went well but even that doesn't give me a sense of achievement. maybe because i'm so dulled by this anxious feeling all the time.

I don't know how this chat message goes but taking my first step to let it all out.

just curious if anyone has anxiety so great that your neck and chest feels tight and uncomfortable all the time. and honestly i have no immediate threat but my thoughts alone.

[Dolphin14]

alpacadaisy

Welcome to the community.

My first thought was maybe some volunteer work? If you don't need the money but want to have a purpose this is a great way to give back.

I hope you find peace

🐬

[alpacadaisy in reply to Dolphin14]

yes i'm looking into volunteer work option. My partner said we have enough but he was just being nice. I kept on thinking if we have two income we could have safe more for the kids and future. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message. Thank you so kindly.

[Dolphin14 in reply to alpacadaisy]

He's letting you know that he doesn't want you to worry, that's very caring.

Maybe doing some volunteer work from home will then help you move in a different direction. Take your time

[LoveforAll41]

Hi alpacadaisy. I am sorry that you have been beating yourself up and worrying about contributing. I feel my anxiety in my throat mostly.

I should on myself all the time, and "shouldn't" have any free time if I hit the gym then go to work then spend time with kids then work on school every day. Having this in my head when I do go do something for fun it makes it hard to do it then it makes it hard to get back when it is over. I have chased worth in "doing" most of my life. It sounds like you may have something akin to that going on here. It can be hard too, because sometimes I do my stuff because I want to, sometimes because I know I will feel worthless if I don't. Anyway, what I am trying to get at is if you are trying to do something because it will give you worth, or acheivement, there will never be an end to it. I can make it through a work day okay, and feel okay about it and a bit of relief, and then get home and feel anxious and depressed because I don't want to work on school. What a terrible way to live. It is hard to get myself to the point where I emotionally believe that I have inherent worth just being like I believe about all the other humans in the world.

Are you going to therapy? It sounds like you may have to break down some perceptions to go. I think if we can change the way we think we can change the way we feel. I always recommend Dr David Burns book "Feeling Great" and the Feeling Good Podcast. I have recently been working on self-compassion and doing a book written by Kristen Neff and another guy to be nice to myself about not acheiving at the level I'd like.

Sorry for rambling, welcome and I hope you find peace ☮️

[alpacadaisy in reply to LoveforAll41]

I think you are right. actually right on. I'm chasing worth in doing. But most days I don't have enough to do and being bored- that sets my anxiety off. I appreciate you share your experience and some tips. this is the first time i ever open up about my struggles. I was looking for a support group but have not came across one that seems to be a fit. I actually can't find one in my area.

I just started to see a counselor. Things are moving slowly. Working on identifying triggers. On my next meet I will tell the counselor about break down some perceptions.

I truly appreciate you took the time to share your experience and provide some direction.

I hope we all find peace

[Agora1]

Hi alpacadaisy, I can say that when we are bored, anxiety takes over. It gives it space

to fill our minds with negative lies, After a while it becomes a habit that takes hold each

day from the time we get up until we go to bed. We become stuck in this cycle of dullness.

When we interact with others, we become alive and find a purpose, a reason to be here.

Working and/or Volunteering has always given me purpose in life. We give from our heart

but get so much back in return. Pick out a fun job and you will forget about anxiety.

I once worked at the mall in center court. Yes I was anxious at that time and suffered

from Migraines however, the interaction of shoppers and children at this time of year

filler my heart with accomplishment as well as getting a paycheck. I was one of Santa's

helpers. Didn't have time to think of Anxiety. I pushed it to the side. Had more important

things on my mind such as will they get to talk with Santa before he went on a break? lol

If you like animals working in a shelter where our furry friends get their forever homes is

heart warming and a delight.

Actually alpacadaisy, there is so much out there to keep us busy that in reality there isn't

enough time to accomplish what we want and need.

Go for it slowly. Fill the void and loneliness you may feel now with fulfilment and happiness.

Try short term jobs, work on contract this way you are always covered if you wear out.

Life is for living. Embrace those moments. xx

[alpacadaisy]

your message bring light and hope. I was twice burnout working full time and now that i'm home for so long laden heavy with anxiety - the thought of taking the next time scares me. Yes i know i need to get back out there. I have been looking at jobs. I wanted to just work at a gift shop and i don't really know how to ask and they usually don't post those jobs online.

thank you again for sharing your light and giving me space to share mine.