I give up

[Against_the_current]

I'm defeated

[Alpakka123]

Talk to us. Why do you feel defeated?

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

To be sane I need to get out of here, but to get out of here i need a job, but to get a job i need to sane. I'm stuck

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Yes, I see the vicious cycle. Who do you think should be responsible for getting you out of this cycle? (hint: it's not you parents)

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

I don't know. I'm just waiting to die here sooner hopefully not from my mother directly

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

It's you, sweetheart. You're the one who needs to break yourself out of this cycle. And you can do that. I know you have it in you! It's a parent's job to provide for you when you're a young child, but not when you're an adult.

This might sound harsh, but I'm not trying to make it so. It's hard when we just see the words and not the one speaking those words because we don't get to see/hear the emotion behind them. You can't wait for someone to hand you things on a silver platter. That's not how the world works. There are people we encounter in life who can help us (like the community on here, family, your therapist, friends, etc), but it is us who has to do the work. It is us who has to help ourselves.

It's like a locomotive and we are the conductor. There's other people with us in the locomotive doing upkeep and all. They try to help the train to run smoothly, but it's the conductor who steers and keeps the train in motion.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

I'm too weak and damaged and...i forgot what i was going to say... that's how bad it is. And my degree is useless

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

What makes you think this? At 24 you have an awful lot of life ahead of you. To use "too weak and damaged" as an excuse (that's what this is; an excuse) is self-sabotage. You have hopes and dreams; I know you do because you've told about them. You won't reach those with "too weak and damaged". You have lots of potential; you just don't want to use it.

If I may, I might know what's going on. Let me know if this rings a bell: you want to get back at your parents for giving you the kind of childhood they did. You want things to go back to how they were before things went wrong/pear-shaped, and, like a child having a tantrum, you have shut down until they go back to how they were. How is my analysis?

I forget what I'm going to say sometimes. It happens to the best of us and is not unusual. It normally happens for me if I think of too many things at once.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

The three paragraphs ring a bell. I think mom also's in her child state (in psychology there's a term Ego state Child) refusing to accept the reality. Well, dad did me dirty by leaving when i was 16. It's a really messed up age because you're used to one thing and poof just before you're an adult. I've been overwhelmed since 4 years. I had dreams but the social mashine broke them. I wanted to be a therapist and help people like me but i can't do that. I can't even find a job in my field. I had dreams while in college. Dreams that kept me going. Goals. Milestones. Measurable milestones. Now I'm lost

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Ok, great! (as in, now we're getting somewhere). This is something you can work with your therapist on. A therapist can help you with this. You need to move on, dear. For nobody's sake but yours. I'm sorry you had a hard upbringing, I really am, but you need to move forward in life. It's like you're stuck psychology.I do things even today that I've learned to recognize are to "get back" at my dad especially for stuff that happened 20+ years ago. Once I start going down the route of thinking back to the past, I've learned to pull myself out of it through various means (telling myself today's date, looking around at my environment,etc). These things are designed to bring me back to the present.

Doing what we're doing by indirectly getting back at parent(s) brings nothing but suffering to us. Yes, we need to process things, but we also need to move forward in life. Life doesn't stop for us. You need to accept your reality and work with that reality; not refuse to accept your reality and work against it!

[Starrlight]

Take a break, but never completely. Take a rest and start again when you have some strength back. I know… life is difficult but you are doing it. You can keep doing it. And things can get better. Try to be optimistic because this is how we shape life within our mind and the outcome is that good comes to us. Welcome the good to come. Welcome change. Rooting for you my friend.

❤️💜❤️💜❤️⭐️❤️⭐️❤️💜❤️💜❤️

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you dear

[LoveforAll41]

I have given up several times... You are not alone. Sometimes just continuing to live is what we are capable of, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am so sorry that you are feeling so defeated Against 😥

Now that I have lived through more ups and downs I think I am getting to the point where I can give up old ways, and give up on repeating behaviors that I think might work but just don't last...

[Against_the_current in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you for understanding. All i can do is stay alive but nothing more

[worthytobeloved]

Bless you, darling. I've given up too. I hope and pray we can both have the courage to make the best we can of life.

Photo

[Against_the_current in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you. I'm so scared of drowning. That im dying on the shore