I need a home. It's a lose-lose

[Against_the_current]

My dad's appartment is full of mold, cockroaches, ants, spiders, my half-sibling's drawings... I hated the kitchen even when i was a kid, i was grossed out. And now how am i supposed to take care of it and the other rooms by myself? I have to either stay at home and be disrespected and abused for having no job and household or leave to a place where i should have a hob and keep a household by myself. Even my therapist said that if i plan on staying home, therapy is pointless. If only they sold the appartment and bought me a smaller but new one. I crave a house from 4 years. It's critical for my mental health. This place is so old that it's soviet style and dad and uncle were raised there. And no AC. And how come i had to live with my mum and sis in two rooms but alone have to clean 3? Stupid grandparents' logic

[Alpakka123]

Hi AtC,

I'm not sure I understand. Why do you have to be the one to clean the apartment?

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

Because dad ruined it and ran away

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm still trying to understand. You have 2 apartments, correct? One that you live in with with your mom and sister (2 rooms), and your accommodation (1 room, owned by your grandparents). You weren't faring well in your accommodation, so moved back home. How am I doing with understanding?

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

And unless I'm missing something, I see no logical connection between you needing to clean and your dad ruining it and running away.

[hypercat54]

I have said it before and will again. The only way you can live the life you want to is to make it yourself.

If you can't/won't then the only option is to put up with conditions others impose on you. Its useless demanding others put you first when they are keeping you. And I must say very entitled behaviour too.

There is an old saying 'Those who pay the piper call the tune'.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

So i should be okay with the abuse? Wish i could just surrender. I wish my body wasn't resisting both changes. I tell myself i will obey her but then i get sick and i can't remember what she wants

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

I didn't say that. I said you have little choice when you are reliant on others to provide for you and give you a home.

This is the sort of situation where you have to start making decisions - carry on like this or strike out on your own and decide how you want to live.

Its called being an adult.

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

I left home at 18 because I couldn't stand living at home a moment longer. There was always an atmosphere and rows and I knew my depression and unhappiness could only get worse staying there.

I was very immature and had a terrible couple of years on my own, but it was still better than being with my family. I was never once really tempted to return to them.

You grow up hard but these are the lessons that stick and they have stood me in very good stead over the years. In other words I slowly became an adult and to learn to make decisions and to live my own life regardless of how unhappy I was for some time.

I rented a room in London which was a big shock after coming from a house. I remember the first Sunday away from home when for Sunday lunch instead of having a roast dinner cooked by my mother I had beans on toast and felt very sorry for myself.

However I went to counselling and on meds and eventually it had some effect and life began to improve slowly.

[Charlie-mg]

Hi Atc, You are going to have to decide which is the lesser of two evils: cleaning/renovating an apartment OR living with an alcoholic mom in constant chaos. Which can you live with…pick one and own your decision.

[Against_the_current in reply to Charlie-mg]

I guess. Thanks for making it clear