Self-esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How do I get rid of it once I've got it? - David Burns

[LoveforAll41]

In my quest for happiness, or at least peace, I often get depressed because I feel like a failure. Working to not be a failure feels insurmountable because it is for me and my distorted way of thinking, there will always be another way I need to earn worth or "succeed". I think that this clip gets to the ideal way to not hate yourself 😜, or feel like there is no need to have self-esteem if you are just living, having fun.

A lot of my work currently is on self-compassion, and I think that this can come into the death of the ego too in some ways. There does not need to be judgement and I don't have to do stuff to feel okay with myself.

youtu.be/G7XSX5ulnjQ?si=fU-...(Not working as expected?)

The part I am working on is from 10:27 to 19:35.

"We're just having fun." "We don't need to be worthwhile, we're just having fun." I so dearly love the moments when I feel this way in life.

I just wondered what thoughts you all may have on this topic and what you have done to not get down on yourself for "failing".

An example in my life revolves around my eating disorder. I know that taking care of myself involves eating well and self-care. That said if I eat something "bad" I can judge myself for it and eat a whole ton of crap and fall into the cycle of self-sabotage and judgement.

Love you all and thanks for being part of the community.☮️

[litethatnevergoesout]

nice post

[Midori]

I always feel that folk chase 'Happiness', which is fleeting, by mistaking it for Contentment.

For me, contentment is what I aim for, to be comfortable in my own skin, my own small circle of friends, my home as I want it, not as others want to see it. Folk who come to see me take me as they find me, and if they don't like it, too bad; they don't have to come back.

I try hard to not fall into the traps of eating the 'wrong ' thing, by allowing myself a treat after a set amount of time, usually a week. Once a week I allow myself a takeaway, naughty but nice, and as it's only once a week it's no great sin, and can be atoned for over the next six days.

Cheers, Midori

[fauxartist]

I always tell our kids here.... 'there is no failure in trying, just opportunity to do something different'.

[Existing]

So, first off, I will speak to Midori in defining happiness to me as "a life worth living". Onto the issue of failure and self esteem. Self esteem is valuing ourselves as worthy and important regardless of anything we do or don't do.

Have you asked yourself or thought about how you feel about yourself as you, without regard to anything beyond that, like how you behave or think?

Because that's your measure of self esteem.

If people do that, and feel a sense of self loathing just for being who we are, then that suggests SHAME* is the issue we need to learn about and address. (*I just wrote a post on this)

If you feel ok about who you are, separate from all the ways you fail, then you need to address them separately from who you are.

I'm a perfect example of so called failure, I guess. Even writing this is enjoyable, and possibly helpful, but I know for a fact that its helping me avoid what I can't seem to get done. Rather than go into more detail, let's just say that I'm very aware of what I do that contributes to my own failure, but I work hard to keep that separate from who I am as a person, lest I start to hate myself and believe that I fail because in fact, I am a failure. That would be the ultimate lie that would sink me, because I would believe it's not possible to succeed.

It's possible, and I'm going to try to start by putting my phone down now.😅