My brain is blank from anxiety. Mom has too much. I feel bad for her and sis

[Against_the_current]

I was going to go to the seaside with a friend and she started asking who is he and that she was worried. I told her that if she's worried she should have noticed how many times I've tried to suicide (but she was drunk). She got upset, said she has it worse (of course, of course always she has to have it worse and started "i have so many problems" like yeah, that's the point, I'm worried about her). And now my sister is going outside with her comfort friend. I feel like I scared her causing mom to blow up like that but she was close these days. I should have gone to the mall once mom was home but i felt fatigued because of the anxiety. I can't even panic like i usually do when i escape and start calling everyone, I'm just petrified.I stress because mom's suffering and when she sees me stressed, she starts telling me how she's suffering more than me.

[optimismrus]

In the U.S. there is a 12-Step group called Adult Children of Alcoholics. I don't know if these programs are available where you are but you can find lots of literature online. I'm sorry you have to live in the "crazy" that alcoholism causes. Your unhappy mother is suffering from a disease and I hope she'll get help. However, it's not your job to fix her. You're young, intelligent and searching for answers - and you will find them! Try practicing patience with your mom. Try a script of supportive things to say to her when she's trying to provoke you. Write them down and practice so that you're prepared. One simple sentence that validates and puts the ball back in her court is, "that must have been so hard for you". Find a way to say these things like you mean it. Best wishes for your continued growth 🥰

[Against_the_current in reply to optimismrus]

It hurts me that she's hurting. She won't get help. How can she not see im suffering because of her

[optimismrus in reply to Against_the_current]

Dear Against the current, the only one we can change is ourself. Your mother may never be able to see your pain. You must separate yourself from your mother. If you can't move out then you need to create a boundary that helps you feel safe. It probably sounds funny but my boundary was "visualizing putting on a deep diving suit" that no one could penetrate. Find groups, therapy and literature to help yourself grow into the person you want to be. I'm glad you can share here. 🥰

[Against_the_current in reply to optimismrus]

Thanks. It's hard woth one room