How do I deal with intrusive thoughts?

[BorisAL]

So, I've always had a lot of stress surrounding death, and espeically around accepting my own. This is despite it being pretty far off in all likelihood (just 6 months ago I took a step back from high level athletics, so I'm physically healthy at least). Trying to conceptualize what it's like to be gone, especially if it's in a lot of detail can put me into a borderline panic state and make me feel physically ill. I've had this problem since I was five, and it's stayed largely manageable due to the minimal frequency of it until the last two months or so.

My family had to put down our dog in early July, and since then something in me just sort of snapped. The detail and frequency of the intrusive thoughts has gotten borderline unbearable. They are 24/7, nonstop, corrupting every single positive expirience I could be having. Sometimes they're less vivid and panic inducing, but they're ALWAYS there. There's never any break from them. In the last week I've gotten to the point where I constantly feel a little physically ill and like I'm a few spins bad spins around a merry go round from vomitting (I have yet to actually throw up yet, so my perception of how bad it is could be warped). It's also not helping that I'm consistently forgetting to eat. The closest to peace I can get is when I'm excercising/in physical pain, when I'm sleeping, or when my brain gets so exhausted I go into autopilot and completely zone out.

I've tried to focus on doing things that I enjoy to distract myself, but I'm so depressed right now that I can barely find joy in anything. It's hard to find anything I can focus on for more than maybe five minutes at a time before I start zoning out and my mind wanders to the intrusive thoughts.

Starting meds isn't an option for me because I'll be out of country for three weeks starting this weekend to see family. So I need to somehow survive three weeks without making any significant progress towards helping my mental health in actionable ways, and without even having access to a therapist. I sat down with my therapist to make a plan to help with coping over the next three weeks, but the more I sit on it the more scared I am that it isn't enough.

I have a pretty close relationship with my parents, who will be traveling with me, and I will be around extended family, which definetly helps. But, that is pretty much my only support system other than online support groups. I don't really have any friends I can rely on, and only a handful of mentors in my life outside my family. And reaching out to mentors can make it worse since they're getting up there in age and that just makes me think about death even more, thus making the intrusive thoughts even worse. Of course this also applies to my parents and family, since it doesn't exactly take a lot of effort to start thinking about death...

I feel like I'm trapped in the prison of my mind, and I could use any suggestions or lifelines.

[RelieveMyMind]

Hi BorisAL, i have been dealing with the same problem. But the intrusive thoughts about death aren’t for mine but my parents’. I met with a decent man with perfect qualities, we started a relationship but i could not feel any emotions towards this guy. So my brain started to tell me “Even if this perfect guy isn’t what you want, then nobody will be and you will be alone for the rest of your life. Your parents are gonna die soon and there will be no one you can hold on to.”

I couldnt deal with these thoughts and had to seek for professional help. Started to take antidepressants. I advise you to seek for medical help and take an antidepressant if needed. Until you get the help you need, you can answer you intrusive thoughts. Thats what my therapist told me. If you have unrealistic thoughts about something thats not even happening, answer them out loud. Let your brain hear the logical thought. It goes directly to your subconscious. Answer them out loud whenever they pop up. You can say “I am perfectly healthy right now, I have no illnesses, I don’t have to worry about something that’s not present right now. Even if I am sick, I can always get help from professional and friends and family.” If you are surrounded with people, you can answer them with your inner voice but always answer. And find a mantra that applies. Put your hand to your heart when you feel anxious and take deep breaths. Say “I am gonna relieve you right now” every time you take a deep breath. And remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So many people experience what you are going through. Right now it doesn’t feel like it’s going to pass but believe me you will start to feel okay soon. It goes away with the right help. You can also share this thoughts with your loved ones. Try to be with the people that cheer you up at this time. I am sending you a big hug. Hope I can help.

[Pet_Collector]

Hello. I love the honesty and openness of your post. This is so brave and strong. What you’re going through is so common but a whole lot of people do not understand or are not self aware of the fact that these thoughts are intrusive and think these thoughts are something they have to live with. Not you. You are reaching out for support.

That is amazing that you are working with mentors and a support group. It sounds like you have some really great people to lean on and tools to recognizing your need for coping skills. That is already such a positive aspect because it shows that you have gotten through tough things before and made it out the other side.

Can you think of any ways that you’ve gotten through similar situations in the past? I also struggled with similar intrusive thoughts in my life as well, and what really helped me was journaling. I started writing my thoughts and feelings on paper every single morning for a couple years and there was something about writing things out honestly that helped me organize my thoughts and feelings and gave me clarity on how to cope with them. I also agree with another comment before mine, medication was extremely helpful for me as well. It even helped my appetite, and other areas of my life I was struggling with too. Sneaking in a gratitude list and affirmation list at the end of a journal entry is super helpful as well. Such as (gratitude) I am grateful that I get to wake up today with an opportunity to get things right and work on being my best self. And (affirmation) I am brave, smart and strong for being able to recognize my need for support through this tough time. It takes some practice but this may help with combatting these intrusive thoughts-it worked for me and many others. Also as cliche as it sounds meditation is a wonderful way to train ourselves to stay in the present moment and not to wander too far in the past or future.

Hope this was helpful and good luck! You got this! 💕

[designguy]

You might benefit by checking out the websites/youtubes of Paige Pradko and also Mathew Codde at Restored Minds, the both are therapists who had OCD and health anxiety, healed themselves and now help others. They have a lot of good info about it and how to deal with intrusive thoughts and heal. Another good resource is Emma at Therapy in a Nutshell, she has a good youtube and website. One of the things that also helped me was practicing simple mindfulness meditation to be able to observe and detach from my anxious thoughts and realize that they were lies designed to protect me in a maladaptive way and that I didn't have to believe them and they had no power over me.