Feeling trapped

[paperpencil]

I feel like an animal caught in a trap. The pain from chronic stomach problems and recent med changes has me stuck. All i want to do is get back to work (I am a freelancer) or enjoy the things I used to. I've done everything I know to do to try and improve my situation including a recent program at a mental health clinic where I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and OCD. I'm doing therapy and keep changing meds. I've even seen a bunch of GI specialists and general physicians but no one can seem to put a dent in the issues I'm facing. It just seems like an endless painful pit of doctors and tests and all I'm left with is looking at myself in the mirror and beating myself up every chance I get. I know these problems aren't my fault but I feel like a burden and like I am useless. I become irritated watching others enjoy their lives because I'm just so jealous. I actively try to work on my outlook and maintain positivity wherever I can but after so many years of this I'm just so tired and so broken that I just feel like a raw nerve that will never heal. I don't remember what it is like to be happy. All I can do is focus on my wellness at the moment but it's so difficult. Feels like life is moving on all around me and I'm just some rock people kick down the street. I don't know what to do. Thank you for reading and I hope your day is going a bit better than mine.

[Agora1]

Hi paperpencil, my life may be going better than yours now but it wasn't always that way.

I too felt like a mouse trapped in a maze of exits I couldn't find. Every day the same hopes

that I would find my way out of this trapped feeling. Weekly trips to the GI doctor with

undiagnosed pain. Pills to calm the intestinal spasms. In and out of therapy weekly to no

avail. The GI specialist finally gave me an ultimatum in finding once and for all what my

problem was. (I certainly didn't believe it was or could be psychologically caused) Ironically,

he suggested as a last resort that he could do an exploratory surgery to check each and every

organ. Of course it would leave me with a gnarly scar from stem to stern.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

When I got home I looked in the mirror and asked myself, "what is it that is missing in

your life Agora?" "What do you want that will rid you of this pain?" As I looked into the

eyes looking back at me, I saw fear. But I also noticed something different as well. There

was no feeling of trust. Trust that the doctor and all the tests might just be right.

To keep my post from going any longer, I want you to know that I did find my way out.

I am free once more and Life is Amazing. It can and it will get better but it needs to

start with you and only you. Keep coming back here, learn from other's experiences

in how to win over the real enemy which is Anxiety. xx

[catsrock]

That sounds very hard, I'm sorry.