Need someone to talk too

[SorryLove]

I was happy before I met someone who was broken and I thought he was brought to me to help him. Everything was good and I was there as a person I can be. Things got crazy when I told him I didn’t look at him as anything more than what we had going on and he said I might as well be a hoe. I know it’s manipulation but at the time I didn’t want him to feel bad so I started to look at him as more. I was committed and never did anything outside of him. Once I started this everything went bad. I was being called out my name , I was being abused mentally , physically and emotionally. I was being disrespected. He would do things outside of me , talk and sex other females. He would tell people we just friends but I couldn’t do anything but he could. Everytime I walked away he would be the sweetest and just do things for me but he would talk about other females in my face and the things he like about a female and the things he liked was his preference and I don’t have that but he would sweet talk me. This has been going on for almost two years in Aug. He sex another female after our anniversary the day I planned something specials and gifts I got him. My childhood I talked to him about and he threw up in my face all the time and because in this childhood I was touched , he would say I Hope you get raped 3-4 times. One day I literally almost got raped and he wasn’t there. He blocked me. So within almost 2 yrs he’s been doing the same behavior and never cared how I feel and just belittled it. This year March Or April I started talking to people and dating. I told him I was done being committed to him and just being all about him. He pushed me to date , and talk to people. I never wanted to but he always pushed me to obviously because of what he was doing. Turns out he didn’t like it. I was getting disrespected, I was told I didn’t care , I was told I belittled his feelings , I was told I wasn’t there when he needed me. He just was manipulating me into believing that something was wrong, but he just didn’t want me talking or dating people. So I’m dealing with that and when I wasn’t doing that, I told him I felt the same way when I didn’t want something, but he was constantly doing it as if loving me didn’t mean anything. I’ve expressed my feelings and cried sleepless nights and going back and forth about the same thing and he never cared or paid attention or put his self in my shoes until I started dating, which is something he pushed, and now I see that it was so he could bring up Things I’m doing. So when he continues to do those actions now he brings up me dating other people. I’ve gone through two pregnancy lost without him and one was very traumatic. Both of those he picked a fight with me. This third one I lost was because of him. He’s a narcissist egotistical abusing person and I’ve been dealing with this for almost 2 years and I’m depressed said hurt and in pain and he doesn’t cares because he thinks that nothing he does now and then. doesn’t matter because of what I’ve done and I’ve tried to hurt myself because he’s constantly showing me that everything he says is just to keep me around and I’m tired, but I don’t know how to walk away because I still love him and I’m dealing with the loss of my three kids and him not ever being here but choosing other women outside of me I need help. I need people to talk to and help me get through this pain and hurt for being in love with a narcissist and not knowing how to walk away. PLEASE HELP

[litethatnevergoesout]

Sorrylove, welcome to the community. here’s my help. get a restraining no contact order on him so if he breaks it he goes to jail and if he breaks it again he goes longer. that’s not love. what you’re feeling is not love for him. you would be doing yourself and every female he would ever meet a service by having a judge write you the longest restraining order possible. if you need to get the extra courage to go to the courthouse have a friend family member or call the police to take you. you do not need the police to intervene you only need to see a judge and explain all of this to the judge. do not worry about him or his feelings or feel bad about it, promise yourself after the order is in place that you will report him if he breaks it in any way and report it to 911 asap. remove him from your life and get away. what you’ve said in your story here is disturbing and upsetting. I suggest seeing a trauma therapist. go to the courthouse tomorrow first thing. run from him and never look back. you can not help him. I’m sorry.

[Agora1]

SorryLove, Red flags are all over the place. Deep in your heart you know this isn't

going to get better. Having someone who abuses you is not better than being alone.

No one deserves to be treated as you have been. Love is not suppose to hurt. It should

be the most wonderful time of your life when you would have a partner who respects

and truly loves you for you.

I'm glad you came to our community. This is your safe place. As for how to walk away

from him?? Put one foot in front of the other and run... "litethatnevergoesout" gave

you some good advice regarding a restraining order. Good Luck dear xx