disappointed myself and I’m not interested in anything anymore

Time went by faster, I still I’m not sure what to do, I’m still worried that I might succeed in achieving my dreams, I feel like I’m not going to get that dream anytime soon. I mean there is an option but that requires having an audience but I know that if I go to that path, that dream will be short lived due to my past actions and my dumb opinions.

It no matter anymore, especially I don’t see myself having a good future, having a family in the future due to personal, mentally, financial and outside reasons, I won’t be making any sort of connections like making friends and being in a relationship, acting how I am supposed to behave, and I don’t think I can handle nor being able to take care of my parents when they get older. I don’t think I’m able to get along with others when I completely lack of social skills, social cues nor understanding others. Everyday, I feel like I’m dissociating myself from the rest of the world/society and daydreaming about my childhood. I dehumanizing myself even more everyday. I know I’m going live miserable for the rest of my life. I wish I can just go back being a kid again and stay being a kid. I tired of being forced to stay alive for nothing and knowing my future is going to be a disaster and misery. I just want a straight answer to be free from being alive, I’m tired of hearing some random reasons to keep me “alive” or “having hopes”.

I don’t see myself fit in with society and I have to stay alive for nothing.

[Sylvain-]

Hi Shyynoir,

I saw your post almost by accident while posting myself. What you describe is very close to what I feel. The difference is you are 22, and I am 51. You still have time for things to improve. How? I can't tell you: I didn't find the secret myself. However, I am married, and I have a son. I don't know how I could date my wife at the time. But everything can append.

All I can do for you is send all my support and understanding. You are not alone.

Cheers,

- Sylvain

[fauxartist]

I never realized I self sabotaged myself by being self-defeating. I had a fear of success as much as I had a fear of failure and not achieving my goals...I didn't realize most of that stemmed from being a kid who was always told I would never be good enough to achieve anything in life. So I perpetuated that lie growing up, every time I thought of moving forward, I'd find a way to knock myself down again, and then justify it with all kinds of self-deprecating B.S. I tried to dive into a bottle of cognac, but I never found the peace I was looking for at the bottom of the bottle, or with what ever I used to escape from my self-imposed gloom, until one day I had been told to just stop.... and start taking inventory of all the good things about myself...and to quit living in the negative and start coping with my depression. It changed my life. I'll always be fighting the good fight, but at least now I know I have the ability to do anything I put my mind too. And the only impedance is listening to old tapes in my head...thankfully most are a mute point now.

[sgreen57]

Faith, Grace & Mercy!!!! Start from the beginning and count all the blessings you received over the years. If it is as simple as having enough money for food, to pay bills, your health, talk on the telephone, look at T.V., talk to family members and/or a stranger, count your blessings. Learn how to take deep breathing exercises when anxious, drink a cold glass of water, make your area cool or a cold cloth on face, or call one of the hotlines. If you like reading, read a fun book or Bible verses that deal with all the issues you are going through. Take a cool slow walk would also be helpful. Lastly, join one of the social groups online and always have a therapist or someone on speed dial to talk to. Always remember how blessed you are when going through.

[Hidden]

Hi Shynoir

Here is my take and opinion from the outside. It is extremely difficult to feel like life is going to be grand when our symptoms are too severe.

I like many have had to do all sorts of work to find relief to those symptoms. Some folks find those answers pretty quickly and for others it takes a minute, but that’s the hope you have to hang onto . That there is relief , you just gotta come across it .

Start with understanding better than ever your disorders and possible solutions to bring those symptoms into line . Analyze what you’ve tried by writing down different medication’s, meditations, and any other sort of solutions you’ve tried to what ails you and as you go forward keep journaling these so that you can remember what has helped some or what hasn’t worked. It is extremely important to know where you’ve been in our world of mental challenges to get to where your wanting to go.

I was severely under medicated, so you just never know what may my click and I guarantee if you feel better, life will be better.

I did find those answers tho and I believe you can too. Read books , talk to people that are both professionals and peers about what’s been tried and what you haven’t tried yet. I’m finding there’s all sorts of information about Paul possible ways to help ourselves that I just had no clue about.

Want to have a decent and better life, . Gotta feel better. Seem simplistic . To me it’s anything but

Go find that the very best you can and change your life around

Much love

Craig