I have a problem with being late often. It's been an issue my whole life, sometimes having a big impact like being in trouble or not getting promoted at work to being 5 minutes late to meet a friend and them not even noticing. I have tried to work on it but it continues to be an issue. And it's gotten worse over the last several years with worsening insomnia, anxiety and depression sometimes about social situations, health issues, resentment about family obligations, etc. that all contribute to causing delays in getting ready and out the door.
My mom gets really angry at me about it and constantly brings it up in random situations to throw it in my face like I'm a horrible, selfish person. I get that it seems like I'm being disrespectful and selfish, but I really do try and always feel terrible and apologize when I'm late. The thing is, there are other people in my family who are late somewhat often, even though not as much as me. My mom never says anything to them or even acts mad. And that's even when them being late causes issues for others. For example, we've waited 30 minutes for my niece and her boyfriend at Christmas last year and dinner was cold and they didn't even eat. My mom acted all accommodating for them and never said anything or acted like it even bothered her. It's been the same with others who have been late to things or don't even come. And it's rare that me showing up late really affects others. They always start eating without me. Plus I go to every family function and to support other family members when others skip a lot of things. It feels like more is expected of me cause I'm single, have no kids, and work for myself so they don't think I have good reasons to ever be late. And no one ever asks why I'm late either.
So Sunday my mom and I were driving to our family Easter lunch and were talking about a friend of mine we saw the day before that I fell out of touch with. It's been pretty obvious to me and others that it was mostly due to a toxic relationship she was in that I once finally spoke up about and she started avoiding me after. Then I said something about not really having close friends anymore (you know, being kinda vulnerable). Out of the blue my mom says in a mean, scolding tone, "people probably don't want to hang out with you cause you're late all the time." This got me feeling very attacked and defensive. We both said some things, including me pointing out that she's the only one who makes a big deal about it and that it's more likely related to me being one of the few people around me in my 40s, who's not married and/or doesn't have kids, and who works from home for herself with no co-workers so I have less in common with people. But then she said others have said stuff to her about me (which could have been a passing joke that I'm always late that she made into a bigger deal knowing her). It kinda ruined my day and I can't stop thinking about it.
It's really makes me upset that she continues to bring it up and brings up old situations again even at times when I'm not late. It feels like she's not only scolding me like a child but telling me I'm a horrible person that no one wants to be around because of it. I know it's not a good quality and something I need to work on, but for her to attack me all the time for my flaws makes me feel worse and like I don't even want to be around her or other family members. I don't know why it upsets me so much and am not sure what exactly I'm looking for here. Maybe some support or sympathy? Or maybe you all might think I am rude and selfish and my mom's right and maybe I should know that? I welcome any advice or feedback.
I’ve ruined my family
I have anxiety attacks and panic attacks all the time
I'm dy1ing have sprayed knee, a virus and mental health issues. No support from my parents 
