feeling off and having intrusive thoughts

[percypig123]

Hey, I am posting here for the first time. I have a very strong support system, which I am so happy about, but sometimes I feel I don't always want to share with them, so I am here.

I am currently studying abroad and am away from my country/family. It is an amazing experience, but since being here I have become very physically sick and feel the worst I ever have mentally.

I have never had thoughts about not wanting to live before, but being here (and after taking prednisone for a while) I have been having terrible intrusive thoughts. They are mostly about how things won't get better, life sucks, maybe I don't want to be here, etc. I know there is no truth in these thoughts, because I know deep down I want to live, but they cause me to have panic attacks and I get worried I am going to start to listen to them.

I teeter a line of feeling ok and feeling like the world is ending all the time, and having these scary intrusive thoughts is very tormenting.

I am wondering if anyone on here also has experienced adverse effects from prednisone? And if anyone has advice on how to get these thoughts out of my head. It's hard because I know this is a side effect from the medicine, but I hate just waiting for it to go away. I want to take action before something bad can happen.

Thanks so much in advance

[Mandos]

I'm also new here, but I want you to know you're not alone in your thoughts or experience.

I am not on prednisone, but I am experiencing similar feelings that I know are not true.

My symptoms started a long time before my recent decision to treat my anxiety. I found a lot of success with guided meditation. For that, I can't recommend the Headspace app enough. It sounds like you're a student and I just checked, they discount pricing for students. headspace.com/studentplan

Other than that, I've always found that walking outside among people has always helped me with these feelings. It's like feeling normal vicariously through everyone else. But also, it helps to remember that everyone who seems normal out and about has their struggles as well.

Hope this message finds you well. It will get better.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi percy, I am glad that you have some support and that you can share a little bit. I think sharing is a great way to lighten your burden. You are in an amazing stage of growth of life I think it sounds like, and I think it is critical to take care of yourself, have self compassion, and not try to be perfect (perfectionism). Yes, meds are always a roller coaster going on and off. I always recommend "Feeling Great" by David Burns. There is also the accompanying podcast, The Feeling Good podcast. There is a way to find peace for all of us, we just need to find it. ☮️

[SteepinginSoil]

Hey percypig123. I relate to your struggle with intrusive and unwanted thoughts. I can't speak for anyone else, but personally I've found that the more I fight an unwanted thought, the more stubborn it becomes about staying. The trick I've found is accepting that I'm having a certain thought without accepting that its contents are true. It's not foolproof, but its helpful. Do you think maybe the expectations you have about what your experience abroad should be like are clouding the reality of how its actually going? I know that this is something I've experienced. Anyways, I wish you the best in overcoming these cruel struggles and I know that you can. Peace!

[WaffleTime]

I got chills reading this…. One month ago I came home (2 months) early from a study abroad program in England because my depression and anxiety (panic attacks, intrusive thoughts) became unbearable. First of all, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve literally been there. I understand the daily battle, the physical sickness of grief, nausea, brain fog, being out of control of your body and mind, crying everyday for months, feeling like a ghost. and I understand the frustration and disappointment. This is supposed to be the best time of your life, right? But everything feels meaningless. It’s excruciating. I finally decided to come home because I weighed the risk vs reward. The risk of regretting not completing the program and missing out didn’t come close to the reward of getting even just a little better. Going home was the only way I could have time resources to get do so. Had I stayed, I would have continued pushing myself, suffering, not able to enjoy anything anyway, and spiraled into a darker and darker place. And I won’t lie, I’ve cried nearly every day about my disappointment and am grieving it. But I’m so grateful to myself for making the hard call. You should do what you think is right, but I just want to share what I told myself- you deserve to be happy, to get better. Your wellness is worth the inconvenience of changing your plans. You deserve to make a sacrifice for the sake of your well-being instead of sacrificing your well-being. Everyone’s path is different, and that’s OK. sending you lots of love and wish you the very best.