Or at least don't view ending one's existence as a reasonably viable option anymore, what is it that changed that? What gave you that genuine desire to live life with all the good and the bad?
As someone who's never had that desire, even as a child, I'm curious to see if others who were the same were actually able to find that desire eventually. Can someone who's never experienced such a thing even have it? It feels hard to believe. It's like trying to "fix" something that was never there to begin with.