Feeling grumpy and frustrated

[trailmixup]

I'm trying to be positive and grateful! But I don't really get excited about much these days. I have lingering moments of joy, but most of my days are filled with racing thoughts and killing time basically until I can get back into bed. My motivation is not very great either. I stay in my comfort zone and am afraid to try anything new. I wonder if it's because I'm too self-absorbed? Like I should be out there making a difference and volunteering? But I have such crippling social anxiety that simple tasks like talking on the phone and making small talk at work totally send me into a mental spiral. I don't know how to connect with people, it's almost like some kind of disability.

Another huge source of angst is my job. I know I should be very grateful to be employed in this economy, but there is absolutely nothing fulfilling about my job. My supervisor is awesome!! But the work itself is tedious and agonizing. I do medical coding and end up reading about sick people all day, some of whom share the same mental issues I do, which is not uplifting and makes me more depressed. But I feel stuck!!! I hate interviews and I hate putting myself out there. I really don't want to work, but that's not realistic. Ugh, I'm such a downer.

[Ellamaye]

There are so many people on here who feel so similarly to you that maybe a group should be started? That could possibly be your difference made? With no phone communication or face to face but could still help if that's what you want?Anyway I do hope and pray for positives in your life🙏