What's the line between "hope" and "delusion"?

[MiamiJacket84]

It's a genuine question. What made me think about it was my recent failures, which are quite many. My desire to be loved and cared for and striving to find that has been a complete failure for a decent while now. I have now reached a point where that same thing that I've yearned for, now just seems incomprehensible to me. I am now unable to even imagine myself in such a scenario. It's as if it's just a fact for me now. Which now makes me wonder, was me looking for that actual hope? Or a mere delusion? Either way, it's definitely going nowhere now.

[Overthought]

If I may I don’t think it’s the case that you cannot imagine being in a loving caring relationship I think like me you don’t know what that even looks like I have observed people in long term relationships and it never seems what I imagine it to be either the people pleaser in me imagines that my envisioned partners happiness is paramount and my only goal is to ensure there happiness at all costs. But what I observe in people who I know are in long term relationships is the polar opposite arguing and disagreement heart ache and pain irritation and frustration all are present in abundance.

And yet still they go home together and come back the next day still they love one another and remain strong together.

What can we gleam from these observations I believe the following:

1, imagining a perfect partner is impossible if your a man you are seeking the visual beauty and will pass up a more suitable and potentially perfect partner for you in favour of a female who pleases your eyes.

If your a women your looking for a provider someone to take charge and protect and care for you and to give you children most of the time.

2, imagining the perfect partner is dangerous either man or women the image you will create will be something unobtainable and as such again you will pass up the chance on lesser real partners becuase they cannot measure up to your creation.

3, same problem as two except if you do climb down of your high horse and pick an attainable partner you will have set high expectations in your imagination of there demeanor and personality.

4, you cross all of the above hurdles and you cannot understand why you have traded your peace for a little sex and just to say your not alone.

Exactly as above is what I did in my youth becuase I was very introverted and always inside my mind I created a scenario where I would meet a perfect women and live happily ever after.

To be fair the mother of my children is a good women the problem was me and my rigidity to my concept of who she should be and how she should act and as you can imagine it ended in heartbreak.As well intentioned as my imagination was I swear I was just swept up in living my own private love story with me as the main character.

My advice is to not do what I did do not imagine anything about any partner you meet take them on face value and get to know the person.

Be present in the moment with them and have no expectations just simple experience them in reality.

Hope is never a waste by the way without it we have nothing at all.

Just don’t confuse hope with what I have described above.

Stay strong friend your not alone in these struggles which is a comfort in its self