The terrible in between

[777sigh]

Recently, all I feel is lonely. When I'm around people I want to be at home, when I'm at home, I'm depressed. To make it worst I've been having a lot of self esteem problems, when I was younger, I was overweight and now I'm terrified that that will happen again, so I'm eating practically nothing He whole day, till I come home and binge on sweats. It's like I can't be alone or I'll do bad things, but when I'm around people, my anxiety goes bazerks. I don't know what to do. It's like I'm in limbo with no way out.

[vingrimes]

I understand what you're going through. I am home alone all the time and for the majority of the time I was either watching tv or sleeping. It was a good day when I do the dishes or take the trash out which is a minor task for most people. I got prescribed with antidepressants and it changed my life.

Have you talked with your PCP? It took me a lot of courage, but when I spoke with them they immediately diagnosed some medication and it helped immensely.

[777sigh in reply to vingrimes]

I'm taking a very low dosage of anti depressants now, I want to get it higher but at the moment, I am still settling into my new house and I don't have a pediatrician here yet

[vingrimes in reply to 777sigh]

I'd make it a priority to find a doctor. I think the first step to getting healthy is to get your mood right. Whether medication or talking to a therapist, the one thing I've learned is if you're not pursuing one or the other you will never get better.

It's not easy. If you're moving as well sometimes major transitions can trigger additional depressive episodes. That's what happened to me along with a few other changes in my life.

[BlueBelle06]

Do you think you have social anxiety disorder?

[777sigh in reply to BlueBelle06]

I thought so for a little while but then I got diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I think all my social anxiety might just be a product of that.

[hedgehog__]

Hi 777sigh, your post really struck a chord with me. It's this absolute contradiction you described, between what makes sense and how you're feeling at the moment, keeping up the cycle of nonexistent self-esteem and loneliness and hopelessness. When nothing you do or feel makes sense. I'm sorry I can't really offer help and suggestions on what to do to make it better. Just want you to know you really aren't alone in feeling like this. All the best to you 777sigh, I want to believe you will find a way.

[777sigh]

Thanks hedgehog, sometimes I feel like life was never really meant to make sense