I need help.

[Raza18]

I have been passing through a social, domestic and mental torture since my childhood. I am 36 years old, alone and scared. I have no body to talk to. I feel someday i'll do something to myself because now I have suicidal thoughts. I need help. Please Help.

[IncognitoC]

If you’re having suicidal thoughts please check the link and find your local helpline

blog.opencounseling.com/sui...

You need to get help with your thoughts.

[Celtic27]

Hi raza sorry to see your suffering depression and anxiety ! Can i start by suggest you get in touch with a mental health group ! You need to really concentrate on getting your self help with your suicidal thoughts theres no shame in it its more common yhan you think ! Please make a appointment soon and will be the start to your new you take care

[Raza18 in reply to Celtic27]

Thanks celtic27... But where should i start? I live in a small village where we don't have any emotional support group.

[Falcon40]

I too suffer with suicidal thoughts. Like celtic27 said there is no shame in it. Remember they are only thoughts, even though they can be very painful. Reach out to anyone you can. There are emergency crisis lines or even the ER if they get really intense. You are strong and you are brave for sharing. Peace to you during this time.

[Raza18 in reply to Falcon40]

Thanks.. sometimes we don't need to be strong, we just need someone to be with us.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Raza18]

This place is a safe haven....I am always here checking in with everyone....just keep doing yourself....this will get better

[Raza18 in reply to mizzou7016]

I hope. Thank u for being here.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Raza18]

Sometimes that's all we have hope...one day at a time...dont ever give up

[Raza18 in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes but still there is one moment in a day which breaks us. And that moment can be very dangerous. I'm fighting with that moment everyday.

[Hidden in reply to Raza18]

Just live for moment you see this darkness pass, give yourself some credit for being worthwhile human being with good heart, kindness and generous

[Raza18 in reply to Hidden]

Am i a kind and generous person?

[mizzou7016 in reply to Raza18]

As am I Raza....but you can win this fight....this fight is worth it

[Raza18 in reply to mizzou7016]

I hope i will win it but sometimes it's getting very hard to fight back. Some moments are weak.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Raza18]

and in those moments...understand that you are not alone....seek help....fight the darkness

[Raza18 in reply to mizzou7016]

Yeah! I'm trying. But I'm scared.

[Hidden]

Hello! First of all I’m so sorry about what you have been through and that you are in so much pain right now. It takes courage to admit to yourself that you are suffering and need help and to open up to people here.

If the country you have listed is correct, on first quick search I haven’t been able to find a men’s line or suicide line or something.. however..

From what you have described I could imagine it is possible that you have C-PTSD - complex post traumatic stress disorder - which is trauma from incidents over a longer period of time. Which can lead to -a wide array of symptoms.

I don’t know how acute your symptoms are - if you are having flashbacks, panic attacks, are currently feeling suicidal etc. Ideal would be I think if you found a trauma informed therapist right away then. Someone who does trauma specific therapy, for instance somatic therapy, I have also had great experiences/know about great results with Internal Family Systems Therapy for complex/ childhood trauma. If you are in acute crisis I would avoid looking up stuff online and also maybe not browse through this forum too much but find a therapist as soon as possible, so you can be stabilized. You can also call a local crisis line, find a hospital that specializes in mental health or call and ambulance (at least that is what I would recommend for the europe/usa/australian area, I’m not sure about middle eastern).

Depending on your funds you can find therapists in different countries and do sessions online or find someone local if you have insurance there.

If you are not in an acute state and would like to connect to other people in similar situations, and also depending on your available budget, I know of this service:

cptsdfoundation.org/dailyre...

it’s 60$/a month and for that you get a whole lot of services like private cptsd survivor groups, trauma informed yoga, encouraging daily texts, possibility to speak to counseling etc. all especially tailored for people dealing with complex trauma to support them in their healing journey.

If there is nothing around you and also no funds or insurance available we can look for other options.

Sometimes it helps to know what is out there and know that there are lots of resources available to help you heal when you are ready - even if you don’t feel ready to get in touch with someone yet.

[Raza18 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks lia. Symptoms you've explained are exactly the same of mine. Here it's expensive to go to therapist. I can't afford it. I don't know what should i do but i will keep trying to keep myself calm and controlled.

[Raza18 in reply to Hidden]

Because my mind suddenly triggered up and my bp goes high and I don't know for a second what i m going to do. I'm just trying to control my brain and not to think alot.

[Hidden in reply to Raza18]

Yeah that sounds like a trauma response.

Can you afford the 60$ for a month to join the CPTSD forum for the groups and counseling support? I’m not really familiar with your geographical area so I’m not sure what else to suggest than joining an international online group/counseling.

I don’t know how acute your situation is. There are resources online to learn about CPTSD that you can google, you could also join the platform scribd for a free trial month and read and listen to literature about trauma there - I found the “what happened to you” book by oprah good. (make sure to cancel in time before the 30 days are up)

there are also some youtube channels that focus on how to deal with childhood trauma. there are also suggestions on how to work towards healing.. and also lots of podcasts, websites..

If you are super overwhelmed though and easily triggered I would avoid resources and diving into it by yourself for now. Maybe you can call or go to a local hospital and ask them if they have a student clinic - they sometimes offer free or reduced rate therapy. Or maybe they know there about free help services. The problem for me personally in this case is I don’t speak the local language so I’m not able to look up resources in the native language.

But I would encourage you to google yourself for trauma support or hotlines there or organisations that can be asked for advice and where to turn to - you could of course also contact the cptsd foundation or other organisationa that focus on cptsd/pstd help and maybe they can help you find something local, maybe they have connections.

Don’t give up, you can definitely get better - just if you are up to working with things and difficult feelings by yourself I can not give you an answer to, and it might be safer to try to find someone who is trained to start the process and guide you through it.

[Existing]

I'm here. You got me to reach out to at this moment. I know that feeling that can swirl around me like the swirl in the sink, ready to pull me down the drain. Just breathe in this moment, knowing someone cares about you. I do. I also understand the suicidal thoughts. But for now, just find peace in this connection. All else can wait it's turn. May you know peace in this moment, my friend. 🙏♥️

[Hidden in reply to Existing]

that’s often the most important thing, connection.. not feeling alone. thank you all for offering support and to talk to people.

I sometimes forget because I have looked up, tried and used so many resources over time that the list starts compiling in my head automatically and I forget the most obvious and important response, to offer human connection

[Raza18 in reply to Existing]

Thanks for the kind words. But how to handle the loneliness?

[1947treble]

I prayed for you

[Raza18 in reply to 1947treble]

Thank you! I need prayers .

[Ackowal]

I’m sorry you feel this way… remember you are loved ❤️ I love you and you are not alone ❤️

[Raza18 in reply to Ackowal]

Thanks! Your words are important for me.