Dealing with Loneliness and Social Anxiety?

[vampirebat]

I've always been a pretty big introvert. My entire life I have had people I can count on with all sorts of things, but talking to someone I barely know can make me feel terrible. Sometimes it physically hurts me to have a small conversation with someone, and every time it happens I am obligated to ignore it and smile through. Even being around people I saw every day during high school (and the little time I spent on campus for uni) took a toll on me. I've realized now though that despite it all I've always wanted to connect with someone deeper as a friend.

My partner is amazing and they understand me like no one else, but sometimes I feel lonely because I feel like my social life is out of order. I find it difficult to socialize. I have friends, but when I'm around them I feel bad about myself. They always remind me that I am different than them in some way. They often tell me they think I am autistic or I have a social skills problem, which is fine, but it's never brought up with good intentions. I also feel like they have shaped a certain version of me that doesn't exist. Despite being friends for so long they do not know me very well.

Conversations never feel authentic, and I often feel fake when I talk to others.

It sucks because I feel like maybe if it weren't for all of these feelings I have and my lack of social skills, I would enjoy being around others so much. I love people and I love learning their behaviors. I think friendships are such a beautiful thing, and I think of them with such fondness. I want to create a better, more realistic view of how I see people and relationships. I want to meet people without it feeling like the worst chore. It's just so hard to overcome these feelings and I know it takes time and effort.

[IncognitoC]

Hey again Bat, I am very similar to how you have described the way you are. I used to be the social butterfly, the life and soul of the party. I have been through some difficult times over the last few years and now I seem to be happier when I’m sat on my own in my room away from people. I keep one friend (that sounds bad enough that I KEEP one friend) but I am ok with that. I really struggle with the thought of meeting new people and I find it impossible to put myself in a group of people.

[Tbine]

Hello vampirebat,. Sounds like you just need a good dose of Self Confidence. If these so called " friends" are pointing out your flaws, then they are telling you these things because it makes them feel better about themselves as if they don't have any flaws. Please ! Lol EVERYONE does, including me. You don't have to act or speak a certain way to be " accepted". Every time you start thinking "they're right, or what's wrong with me", or " I'm not good enough",. Tell yourself "STOP!" then change your inner- voice and say " There's nothing wrong with me, and "I am good enough " and " Those idiots are not going to use me to make themselves feel better" and the More you do that, the more YOU will start to believe that WHAT YOUR SAYING is True. You will become your own best friend, and then the only Opinion that counts is your own. Period ! That is the only one thing you need to learn,. Everything else will happen naturally after that.

[quiethappyduckling]

Hey, I don't know if you will read this, but I just wanted to send my support and this heart ♥ because I relate to this so much and I understand that longing wish to just have a genuine friend who I can share struggles with and also enjoy life with, and what you've described is how I've been feeling for the past few years.

I know I don't know exactly how you are feeling because I haven't been through the same experiences you have, but I wanted to reach out and hope you are doing good.

I get that deep sadness and pining for friendships and yet that sinking feeling when its time to have a conversation with someone and you kind of feel the pressure and overthinking and panic of having a conversation with another person and it's slightly killing you from the inside but you also kind of wish that maybe they could be a friend..? Social anxiety really sucks and its so annoying that such a simple act of talking and the human need for connection and communication is created into such a daily mountain that we have to face.

I don't know, but I just wanted to send my support despite not knowing who you are and let you know that someone out there in the world right now (me) is caring for you and wish you all the best and is going through similar struggles right now. I hope you find a group of people who understand you and care for you and here is a virtual cookie i am giving to you to say good luck and best wishes🍪 also the above to anyone if they ever read this and can relate or are struggling ✌