hi everyone. I just joined because I’m no longer in therapy at the moment and my counselled suggested this site before I graduated.
i am an international student living or “living” in the US and I just graduated. Because of my status, there are some legal reasons to why I currently can’t work and because of that, I am earning no income this don’t have a place to stay and a place to call my own. My friend offered to let me stay with her and I thought it was gonna be for a short time… it hasn’t been and I don’t know how much longer it’s gonna take but I feel out of place here. It’s her family, her home… I don’t have my own space, not my own bed… I can’t even take a shower at their home… I am practically living out of my car… and I don’t want to bother other people to couch surf for a few days and keep it moving especially since I’ll feel bad that they were nice enough to let me stay with them, but I feel like I’m too much in their space and low-key walking on egg shells… and my support group is limited and I don’t want to bother others with the full details because I don’t want them to feel bad for me and pity me and move out their way to create space for me out of guilt, and I can’t go home (out of the country) right now… I just feel really alienated and alone, out of place and it’s eating me up inside, I don’t feel comfortable in my own body, I’m not sleeping right, I’m definitely not eating right, take out multiple times a day, spending money I don’t have… what should I do? Is there anything? I literally want to sleep in a park… I just want to disappear… I want to go somewhere, anywhere I can feel at peace while this really tough and stressful part of my life in time passes over cause everyday, it gets harder to bare… I’ve been getting closer to self harm again and I don’t want to relapse… I’ve been I think 2 years clean…. I’m not even mediating anymore because I feel like it’s not helping… my mind is so clouded, I need to release this mental pain…
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SpiralledINTStd
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I can certainly feel your pain through your post. You are truly in a rough patch. Are you in a major city? I ask as there are a lot of local resources in the cities for folks that need help. Are you hoping you will find a job where you will get sponsored so you can stay in the US? Is going back home (wherever that may be) a terrible option? Know that we all care a ton on this site about one another. I can't relate to your exact situation, but I do know the difficulties that students face when studying in the US for the degree.
You do need to probably look at your spending a bit to see if you can get that under control. Going without therapy can be hard. I haven't ever done too well with meditation, but the breathing helps me. I fully appreciate wanting to let your mind go blank. I also cannot sleep despite having sleep meds strong enough for a horse.....my mind can't stop replaying various things for worrying about things that probably are irrelevant! Here to support!
Thank you for replying and offering your support and possible solutions. I really appreciate it. I am near a major city but I wouldn’t even know where to begin or what to look for in terms of those resources you’re speaking of. I am waiting for authorisation to begin working and it has been majorly delayed. Going back home isn’t the worst but my parents want the best for me and think me staying offers better opportunities. I haven’t told them of my situation and how I feel because I don’t want to worry them, if I did I most likely will be told to come back home then I won’t be able to come back so I’m trying to stick it out as best as I can. Yea being a student is something. Some have it better others have it worse. Sometimes I feel like I’m not being appreciative because it is not as bad as others or as bad as it could be…
I am trying but to pretty much do anything you need to pay for something and so unless I sit in one spot all day, everyday, I’m gonna have to spend, whether it’s on food or gas… I try and manifest the life I want and the where I will be after this is done so I get things that’ll soothe me and I put it towards it… I just found out I have scalp psoriasis… as if that didn’t make my self image and hair journey even harder… I thank and appreciate you for sharing and I’m sorry about the hardships you have to go through too. The mind can be as caging of a place as it can be liberating. Here to support as well!
Thank you for responding! I’m not sure what to search online but my counsellor gave me this huge document for possible therapy solutions. I am not really a church goer and I wouldn’t want to put anyone out and have them pity me because of my problem. But I appreciate the solution. I’m thinking of going to a temple today to get into a different environment and see what happens.
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Letting out my feelings
i feel trapped like there no way out to this misery.. 
Feeling totally out of touch with today's society
Hard to go out, weird head pressure feelings
