Spouses who don't understand depression

[whatishappening46]

Does anyone have a spouse that is emotionally unsupportive and keeps alluding to the fact that you're lazy? Always saying things like 'just snap out of it.' I'm done.

[BriannaM]

I experienced something similar. I did my best to educate him on depression but sometimes I still feel like he doesn’t believe or understand me.

[whatishappening46 in reply to BriannaM]

I feel like that response means they don't even care enough to learn about it so they can be supportive

[Tealpillow in reply to whatishappening46]

That’s how I feel about my husband. He calls me crazy and avoids me when depression hits. I’ve tried educating him but it’s a struggle.

[Willow2022]

Fortunately I do have a supportive spouse. I can only imagine what it is like having someone tell you you need to snap out of depression. Harsh.

Maybe they need to do some research or maybe you could go to couples counseling? I have no clue how it works but if you have a therapist maybe they would be open to just one meeting with both of you to explain mental illness.

Hopefully this is a case of ignorance that will be changed with knowledge.

[whatishappening46 in reply to Willow2022]

Thanks. Have suggested the idea of counseling together. He absolutely will not.

[Jamie2018]

"You got nothing to be depressed about""You worry too much"

"Try to think of happy times"

"Hope your in a better mood tomorrow"

"Your luckier than most people"

"Can't you just be happy for once"

"How do you think i feel when your crying all the time"

O yes the list is long

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Jamie2018]

Wow, you hit the nail on the end with your list. Sounds much too familiar.

[Rituals in reply to Jamie2018]

That’s exactly what they say.

[fauxartist]

Print out the symptoms of depression for them....and tell them to grow a heart... Sadly some people weaponize our depression against us as a power play, to try and control the scenario. Some just don't care and are abusive about it, and it's terribly hurtful. And some just need to be educated.

I don't know you or your situation, but this is not your fault, you didn't deserve this, but it's not something you just 'get over'. There is no cure for depression, but you can do some things to help you cope with it. For some SSRI's work, for other's, natural remedies, meditation, etc. And of course therapy to have a non-biased professional who is working for you to help guide you to understanding that depression is not something you have any control over, ....but understanding that it's a chemical imbalance, that causes you to feel sad and defeated, you don't need to have a reason why, it just is....this takes a bit of the power out of it. There should never be any guilt, or shame ...this is a condition no different than if you had heart disease, diabetes, etc., we just have to learn to manage it the best we can....and we make changes along the way to keep doing what we need to do to feel okay about ourselves.

[CLB1125]

my husband definitely doesn’t understand it. He just keeps pushing me to keep going. He gets irritated when I fall asleep in my chair and will do anything to wake me up.

[whatishappening46 in reply to CLB1125]

Mine doesn't wake me up but he says he'll be understanding and then after a few days or weeks again he'll say something like 'you never do anything.' He thinks he's a hero for just going to work. All he does is go to work and sit on the couch. He does his chores in his own time, but then expects me to do housework or projects on HIS time. I makes me so angry, but I don't even bother addressing the subject anymore because he just starts yelling and turns it into in argument. It's like he has no idea how to have an adult conversation with me, yet he can get along perfectly fine with anyone else.

[NYCmom2]

Have you been screened for ADHD? This question is based on your previous post, ongoing depression not seeming to respond to medication and being female in your 40s.

I’m female, in my 40s and ssri’s didn’t help much in the past. A diagnosis of ADHD a few years ago and switch in medication was life changing.

Our generation didn’t get screened for ADHD as effectively as today especially if female. Coupled with estrogen changes in our 40s - it’s a crisis.

Talk to your current medical providers. If they’re dismissive then talk to another medical provider (perhaps female) who specializes in ADHD to rule it out.

This assessment is not comprehensive but if you can relate to it, you may want to explore the possibility of ADHD.

additudemag.com/self-test-a...

Also an article explaining how ADHD brains have low levels of a neurotransmitter called norepinephrine. Norepinephrine is linked arm-in-arm with dopamine.

additudemag.com/neuroscienc...

I’m pulling for you!

[whatishappening46 in reply to NYCmom2]

Thank you. I have multiple diagnosed psychological disorders which I choose not to disclose, however I do understand what you're saying quite well. My medications are managed by a specialist and work quite well. It's mainly my spouse who brings me down. People always say things like 'oh don't let people decide how you feel' etc etc, but that is easier said than done. The worst part is when you feel less lonely when you're alone than when they're home.

[Willow2022 in reply to whatishappening46]

That is awful. I agree that some people may think people like us can use mental illness as a weapon but I would hope your spouse doesn't feel that way. He sounds willfully ignorant and not willing to see that this is YOU. As someone stated before, he wouldn't tell you to snap out of it if you had cancer or diabetes. This is an illness, sometimes a lifetime of ups and downs.

[Rituals]

I have someone who doesn’t fully understand me or wants to anymore who have said those things & makes me feel worse & wonder why.