so depressed and over living this way

[Summer95]

I have dealt with depression for years now and I’m sooooooo over it. I lost my job a few weeks ago due to the doors closing and I been a depressed mess barley able to make it out of bed since. I really wish I had the courage sometimes to end it all. I have been told I’m too hard on myself but I don’t think I am. I feel so stupid sometimes, it’s hard for me to even form a sentence sometimes bc I’m just looking for the right words to say also things don’t come as easy to me as they do others. I wish I was smarter I wish I didn’t have social anxiety it’s held me back from so much. I feel I don’t have much of a purpose and it’s so hard to even get out of bed most days. I wish I had a partner to give me purpose and be my support system when I’m feeling down or even to have someone todo life with to give me a reason to get out of bed.

[downinthecrud]

I’m sorry Summer. Depression is a thief and a liar, but it’s so hard to get in touch with that when you’re fighting it. We’re all here and chat anytime.

[designguy]

Here is my answer to a similar recent posting, maybe it can help you.

I dealt with social anxiety for years without knowing what was really going on for me but have healed it.

My suggestion is to find a therapist that specifically treats social anxiety and work with them if you can, they typically use exposure and group therapy as part of their process. If the isn't one available near you, you might try online programs and even check out youtube for videos/information about it. i did an online program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org which was helpful although I would have preferred an in-person group. You might also check out Sebastiaan at Social Anxiety Solutions on youtube, his program looks very good also. You can also check out my recent post on Coping With Anxiety for info on dealing with anxiety in general that is also applicable to social anxiety.

Social anxiety comes from your learning and believing things about yourself that aren't true and distorts your perceptions of how people see you and how you see them. You may have had instances where you were called out or bullied or some other kind of event when you were young and now you think everyone is hyperfocused on you and judging you all the time which is no longer true. The reality is that they aren't and are too caught up in their own lives. You may also be suffering from shame and low-self-worth and have difficulty validating yourself which can feed the social anxiety. There is a lot of good info on youtube about healing self-worth.

What also really helped me was realizing one day at work that people really did like me and enjoyed my company when I had thought the opposite for years. It takes commitment and determination but you can heal and recover from social anxiety if you are willing to face your fears of which you will find are not all that big after all.

I also realized that I was suffering from c-ptsd from being bullied and growing up in an emotionally repressive household and being punished and shamed for showing any signs of being proud of myself or trying to stand up for myself. i found a therapist that specifically treated trauma/c-ptsd and used emdr as part of the therapy and found it really helpful for my emotional healing and helping my social anxiety.