Hello Community.. I am not looking forward to mother's Day my daughter is leaving town and choosing to be with my best friend who nurtured her when I was dysfunctional and depressed. . Just a brief history depression and anxiety interrupted my parenting of my daughter when she was 14 years old that was 6 years ago. I gave her to my mother to care for because I could not care for myself at this time I was making bad decisions and I was on a path of self-destruction emotionally and mentally. My daughter has struggled with this but she has come to me. she visits with me she doesn't say a whole lot about the past but she does engage. She personally appears to be doing well she appears to not suffer depression and she's excelling in her schooling.I really don't know what she wants from me, expects of me etc. I am being supportive encouraging present helpful apologetic trying to make amends with her. For about 3 years now we have been trying to come closer together. But she has walls. Understandably so. But she is leaving me on mother's Day and I am not really quite sure how I'm going to get through that day myself. My daughter is 19 years old she says she didn't even realize she booked the trip on mother's Day and that could be true but it just feels like a slap in the face. She knows I'm sad she knows I'm trying to make amends and she knows I have been moving forward and doing good things for myself and yet she leaves me behind on this very important day. I have one daughter my circle of friends is very small so I will be alone on mother's Day after I come home from visiting my own mother. I'm grieving already I'm angry I'm hurt. I feel overlooked unimportant. I told my daughter I was upset but she really has no idea how devastated I really am. My gut tells me she just young and selfish and looking forward to her own vacation and didn't pay attention to the calendar and then there's the deepest part of me that feels like she's punishing me and she's going to be with somebody else that she cares more about. I think this might be an irrational thought but I need your words your support your love surrounding me because I'm afraid that Sunday is going to come around and I'm going to want to die. I mean really going to want to die. I know that my daughter and my best friend want good things for me they are both respectable people. I do not understand how people that say they love me can hurt me so deeply. And then I think of myself, and the times that I have possibly hurt others when I did not mean to. Need positive ideas of things to do to help feel better, need your support need your kindness and no doubt I may even need your comfort and support on mother's day. Thank you for hearing me. Been crying for like 3 days already and I'm so tired. Montana
Help!! Mother's Day is coming I'm gri... - Anxiety and Depre...
Help!! Mother's Day is coming I'm grieving already! I'm so scared to be alone.
What does your therapist suggest? I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. But you have so much to be grateful for.
As you know, I lost my daughter two years ago. So I understand the Mother’s Day pain.
Maybe the two of you can celebrate at a later date? Also, it sounds great that you are going to see your own mother that day. After all, isn’t it more about what we can give to others, than what we get?
Please talk to someone. And if you are having suicidal thoughts, get help. And we’ll be here if you need us Sunday. You won’t have to be alone.
Sending positive vibes for healing.
Hello Lily anne puppy, thank you so much for your words I do not feel like I might be suicidal on mother's Day anymore. I've come to realize my daughter is Young and it is most likely an oversight I just have a tendency to feel hurt and pain way deeply as you understand. I have much to be grateful for. And one of those things is you. Your kindness and sharing your story, has made me feel less burdened with pain. I know you will not have your child on mother's Day but I truly hope to offer you blessings and good wishes for you lily. This mother's Day I will be thinking of you specifically . You opened my eyes and I come to realize that my daughter still has a presence in my life. And that as long as that exists I would really really do well too consider how blessed I am. Thank you my dear friend. I hope to see you here on mother's Day so that we can offer each other some kindness. Take care of yourself and be well ✌️❤️🌈
Thank you for your kind response. See you Sunday. Lol.
I couldn't read your whole post, it hurts too much.
I know what you're feeling.
I'm going to buy myself a little present. I think I deserve something nice.
Baby 🦜 doesn't approve of scented bath salts. I can't get flowers without worrying she'll nibble them and could get poisoned. Hmm. How to pamper myself that's parrot-safe?
I can go shopping. That'll serve as a distraction too. Maybe I'll find a parrot brooch, parrot earrings... Nothing too tacky. That might meet with parrot disapproval.
Sending positive vibes to you too. Treating yourself sounds like a great idea. Maybe I’ll try it.
Thank you. You deserve a pamper day too.
Hello nothing but pain, I love your response! Yes all gifts I'll trinkets All things must be parrot approved. You have the right idea I should treat myself to a simple but pleasurable gift. Thank you for responding to me and you made me smile. Great day and be well 🌈❤️✌️
You're welcome.
My daughter has chosen to return to the city on her one week off before Summer work. I could have done with her help here, but l don't want to stand in the way of her social life. She is also 19. I am just 3 weeks after major surgery.l am not the easiest to live with.I like to see my family enjoying themselves.
Hi Roxylox, I do recall being 19 myself. In all honesty I probably could have cared less about mother's Day but I did pay her my respects. What makes me happy in my days of feeling icky is that my daughter does seem to be experiencing a happy life. And her social life is rich and seems exciting. I love to see her happy. And I do remember being that age I'm wanting to live my own life and not have my parents looming over me. Something about those years I recall feeling in general, invincible, self-centered, and inconsiderate with my parents feelings. So actually my daughter is nicer to me than I was to my mom. Wow that is a revelation. I love talking to you guys it's so cathartic hearing your stories your guidance your acceptance. I hope you recover well after your surgery and I will be around mother's Day if you're around. Take care of yourself and be well ✌️❤️🌈
Thank you for your lovely reply. Mother's Day was in March in our country. When is it in yours?
Hello here in the United States mother's Day is in May today this particular May is May 14th sunday. That is our mother's Day. Interesting to know many countries have mother's Day but they're not always on the same date. Thank you for your response take care and be well
I think she is just young and doesn't fully understand how much mother's day means to you. She probably never gave mother's day a thought when she made her plans. Maybe you could ask her to do something fun with you on another day. I have 3 children. My daughter gives me a beautiful hanging plant every year. My son is clueless. My stepdaughter doesn't know I exist. And it's up to my husband to plan a cookout or something. So try and give her some grace. Enjoy your time with your mother. My mother passed 12 years ago. hugs
Hi hello c l b I know what you mean every kid is different. I only have one but I wouldn't trade her for anything. It was an oversight she is young and just does not think of these kinds of things. You are so correct. My daughter has already suggested that we spend time together another day before she leaves. And that was her suggestion and idea. So there you have it she's not totally insensitive. LOL thank you for your kindness take care of yourself and be well happy mother's Day. 🌈❤️✌️
Hi! I can understand your loneliness. Both my kids have gone away for higher studies, and my mother, who was living with me, passed away a couple of months ago. And I do suffer from anxiety and low feelings from time to time.
Having said that, I would encourage you to focus on positive aspects. Your daughter is doing well in studies, and from what you wrote, seems to be well adjusted. You should feel happy that she is happy - feel the joy in her happiness. Reach out and call her on mother's day. Ask about her holidays. I am sure you will be happy to hear her voice. Kids always need parents support.
Take care.
Hello
Hello thank you for your response I am very encouraged to hear all of this community rallying and offer their gifts to me. I must practice focusing on the positive aspects as you said yes and there are many positive aspects. I am very happy that my daughter is well adjusted going to university has a full social life and still does try to engage me. These are gifts I must focus more often I do not understand how the negative thoughts surfaces so easily and the positive thoughts lay in the underbelly. I am so trying to reverse this process. Thank you for taking the time to respond I value words of kindness and support. Thank you again take care of yourself and be well. ✌️❤️🌈
Thank you all so much for your blessings and words of encouragement. I feel much better tonight. I am so graciously accepting of your kind words from everybody that responded to me. I feel a warmth and a comfort listening to you guys. I'm sure I will be on here Sunday but I feel strong and I don't think I will spend too much time that day crying. Maybe I'll allow myself to cry a little. you guys are right, I have a lot to be grateful for. some of you don't have your mother's some of you don't have your children. Thank you for making me aware of the blessings I so often overlook. I am moving forward more and more I do take a couple steps backwards but what's important is that I just keep going so that I myself can find some peace and happiness. I'm going to work very hard at making this mother's Day the best I possibly can even though my daughter won't be physically present. I remember being 19 years old and not really giving a hoot about mother's Day. I'm going to pray tonight that I utilize rational logical thoughts as opposed to overly emotional drastic thoughts more often. Maybe I need a mood stabilizer added to my meds, I think I noticed my mood going up and down a few times within a 24-hour period period I noticed this after rereading my posts to you guys. Again thank you all take care of yourselves be well. You're all in my thoughts and prayers. Montana
Hi Montana,
I’m sorry that this has got to you so much. Whether or not your daughter realised the significance of the date she booked her holiday on or not you just have to accept her explanation that she didn’t and then be ok with her decision.
In her head there will be loads of other Mother’s Days in the future. It’s probably not as deep as you think but the feelings we get are overwhelming sometimes and I can understand how this could be so deeply hurtful 🤗
Would it be possible for you to spend the entire day with your own mother? Could you make it an overnight visit? Why don’t you use this years Mother’s Day to be a daughter rather than a mother? Put all of your energy into the card you get your own mother and take her a special cake, it doesn’t have to be expensive. You know her better than me but even if you aren’t close think about what she means to you and then try to put a smile on her face.
I hope you get through the weekend ok and remember as far as your daughter is concerned today isn’t as big a deal to her as it is to you. One day, when she’s a mother she’ll learn the significance of it but until then she’s just booked a holiday. I hope that makes sense.
Have a great Mother’s Day and take good care of you and yours.
Thank you so much for your suggestions they are absolutely enlightening. You're right. I most definitely could spend this day being a daughter to my mother! And yes my daughter is Young and it is an oversight and to her the future is long and bright. It is different for me things do hit me harder, deeper always. I am not going to spend the night with my mother because she does annoy me after a bit but I accept it with love and know that that's probably pretty common between mothers and daughters. I will spend this day mother's Day doing something interesting exciting or maybe just hang out with her. I thank you so much for helping to open my mind. This community has been a blessing for me. I truly truly do hope to hear more from you in the future. I like your attitude your wisdom your thinking. Be well 🌈❤️✌️
I so agree, spend Mothers Day with your Mum, she is obviously getter older and who knows how much longer you’ll have left with her, I was very close to my Mum and I only wish she was still here with me to spoil, your daughter is very young and hopefully has her whole life ahead of her, but we are all different
Then let daughter take a leaf out of her mother's book! Bring her cake next time!
Hello Maggie Sylvie, I don't understand your response. What do you mean? Thanks
Dear Montana, I am so sorry about my thoughtless reply to your post. I must have been very tired when I wrote that, and the reference to cake was something that UpsidedownInsideout had written. I had read all your replies and probably got a bit muddled with something in someone else's post. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be bitchy or anything - when I read it I thought "WHAT?!"
It actually sounds as if everything is pretty much as it should be, and you have received good advice from your other friend, without me muddling you up with someone else whose daughter is - well - something else.
How did Mother's Day turn out in the end? And how are you now that some time has passed? ❤️❤️Maggie
I am sorry you are having all these taught in your mind . I'll suggest you talk to your therapist. I'm so proud of your accomplishments so far. Please let your daughter and friend know how you feel about the whole situation. They may not be aware of the level of sadness they caused you with the arrangement.
Hello teaching. I did talk to my therapist and she agrees with you completely that I do let them know how hurt I am. And I think that that's fair to express myself. I do not really believe that they meant to hurt me but it happened. By telling them how I really feel I am standing up for myself and that is my goal most recently is to support myself be kind to myself stand up for myself speak my truth. In a kind way. I will share with both of them how it made me feel. I feel much better than when I wrote my original post I do not feel like I might die on that day I feel grateful because I have chosen to actually go be with my mother who deserves to have her daughter spend time with her. So that is what I'm going to do. Thank you for your kindness and sharing, you have wisdom about you. I really like what you had to say. Thank you take care and be well. ✌️❤️🌈
Just remember that you are a wonderful creature and deserve all the happiness you can get. We love you unconditionally here. Happy Mothers Day from me.
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Does it help to realise that this is a chance for some people to make shed loads of money year after year, twice, because in the UK we have Mother's Day on a different day. I don't remember acknowledging the day with my mother every single year when I was away working in another town, and I don't think she minded as I don't think it existed when my grandmother was alive. I had a stillbirth, so I don't receive a card from daughter and I have no anniversaries of any kind, not even a birthday. It hurts me not to have my birthday acknowledged because it is my one special day. Mother's day - I just feel the loss of my mum. It must be difficult for your daughter having more than one "mum" to recognise on that day so she maybe feels that it's more appropriate to celebrate people's birthdays. Treat yourself! Go and see a film or a show or something else like a pampering session; it could give you a topic of conversation when you next see your daughter.
Hello Maggie thank you for your response I think I'm going to take a piece of your information and spend time with my mom while I still have her. I see that I might be overlooking her and all this sorrow I'm feeling. Good suggestion do something so that I have a topic of conversation with her when I see her again. Thank you for your response be well take care of yourself 🌈❤️✌️
Hi Montana, I think you need to let go of the dread of Sunday. Don't let it become a monster. It is just another Sunday. Your daughter is grown and at an age where she is making plans of her own. It's okay. She probably spaced it. Let go of the guessing what she is thinking or her motives. Plan something for yourself, indulge in something sweet, or get a pedicure, or go to the movies. Remember it's just a day that will pass. Hugs
Thank you raggedy Ann, I appreciate your response. It is just another Sunday I have several good ideas of things to do with my mom and for myself. I myself thought I might not have a child,. I got pregnant at almost 40 years old. To be honest with you I was very scared that my child would suffer some kind of mental illness like I do that was hard and she's still young enough to have an issue. I spend a lot of time worrying about how many things I did wrong and what I forgot to advisor her of. She's in University now and at the age where date rape is common. I worry about her driving which is not great, I wish I knew when she was feeling sad so I could comfort her. This world is a truly scary place currently. Worry regret sadness disappointment frustration these are the strongest emotions I felt about my parenting. I heard my mother say one time to me I was probably an older teenager but my mother did say something about being a mother was a very ungrateful job. Now I really do understand what my mom was expressing. Nothing goes as expected with children. I find my mind is occupied with a lot of guilt and grief and I really did a great job for 14 years. It truly is bittersweet. These emotions will follow me until God calls me home. Take care of yourself thank you for sharing your story with me. Be well
I hate Mother's Day. I really wanted kids I was hoping for four. I didn't get to experience being a mom. The biggest source of my pain. ...... Hearing others getting pregnant killed me.
Good morning, I can see your pain and anger. Exhale from the bottom of your lungs and blow out all those yucky feelings. There is nothing you can do to change the past or control the future. We all worry but remind yourself you have today try and do something positive today, clean one room until it sparkles, or plant some morning glories. Give yourself a break and stop bullying yourself. Would you treat anyone else with those hard thoughts, reminding them of their mistakes? No. You can be kind to yourself. 
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