Getting better everyday but still find sadness follows me.

[Montana136]

Hello my friends today I feel okay. Last Sunday was a very depressing day I was praying for God to take me from this life. I went to church which I don't do very often but I needed to be closer to God I needed somebody to see my pain and maybe hold my hand or say something kind to me. But I left and got nothing. Maybe that's what God intended for me to have. He made me rely on my own will to get me through those very scary thoughts. Believe me I was not grateful last Sunday but this Sunday today I am feeling so glad that God didn't call me home. I've had major depression and anxiety since I was a child I am now 56. I have taken a lot of steps forward and then I have taken steps backwards. I am grateful for today. I just spent an hour reading and responding to posts on here from other people. Sometimes I don't know how to help but I feel better relaying to some of you that I understand I can relate I know your pain. And I post I post about how I feel what I'm doing and I get helpful responses great suggestions and virtual hugs from all kinds of people I don't even know. I'm suffering a little bit of anxiety as I always do in the mornings but it is getting better. So I know I'm on the right path. I take baby steps because sometimes that's all I can do for myself. I'm glad I found this platform it's only been a month and a half for me but it's already made me feel so much better. It is only one tool that I'm using but it is probably one of the best tools I have found. Thank you all. Take care of yourselves we are worth it we deserve all the happiness we can find. Be well my friends ❤️✌️🌈

[Raelyn71]

Thank you for your post.

[Nothingnoted]

Hi Montana me and you are the same age and I've struggled with severe depression for the last 40 years do you go to any support groups are you currently seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist there's a support group called Nami and I attended three times a week and it really helps out there's about 12 people in the group and it's available through zoom or on the telephone. I know last year when I was feeling extremely bad about myself and getting really depressed I called the 988 hotline for the suicide hotline and it really helped me out I called them about 15 times last year and they were there for me even though you don't feel suicidal or anything it sure does help I just hope things get better for you I will be praying for you I pray for all my friends here please take care of yourself just remember you are a strong person anyone who can share very emotions or feelings here on this website it's very strong to share with others and help them make feel better and also provide good feedback to you I'm here for you if you ever want to talk wish you the very best my friend, Nn

[Montana136 in reply to Nothingnoted]

Hello Nothingnoted, thank you for your response. Been going to cognitive behavioral therapy on and off for over 30 years. I have attended groups a lot more when I was younger like in my twenties. I have not found a good support group lately but I am searching. I have a psychiatrist and I take antidepressants and benzodiazepine for anxiety, over 30 years now. I have been on a lot of medications in my life, my doctor has mentioned that I might be medication resistant in the last 6 months. And now I am working with a totally new psychiatrist I have never talked to before. That's hard but it is what it is. I am familiar with nami I used to go to their large meetings in the '90s, they were not like support groups they seem to be more about what the organization was doing and guest speakers and such. So I'm wondering if you are in a specific group for people who experienced depression, anxiety, something else? I am in the United States and I'm thinking that you might be too since you're talking about nami. I'd like to know more about the support group you are attending.

I used to be a very avid reader and I read a lot about depression and anxiety and psychology since I was like 16 or earlier. My favorite subject of books are self-improvement, self-help, spiritual that kind of stuff. Harder to read nowadays because of anxiety symptoms but slowly and surely things are getting better for me in the last 6 months so I'm feeling thankful. I too am familiar with the suicide hotline. I have called several times in the last year when I have had really bad moments and very little support in my circle. It is a good resource to have in those times when you just can't share with people close to you that you just want to die. I would never want my mom at 85 to worry about that kind of thing. My best friend either. My daughter definitely not! That's pretty much my support circle. They do not understand they do not suffer the level of depression I do. It sucks because I have heard or sensed from them thoughts like I am lazy, overly emotional, insensitive, selfish, aloof, dysfunctional. That's why I like this platform is because you guys understand you guys can relate you know the pain the symptoms that discomfort the tragedy the trauma the recovery the challenges and the struggles. I like it here people you guys are of benefit in my life. I experience Forward motion I am making better choices for myself I am working on healing but I still have some really freaking sad days. And it feels good to share. I so appreciate your response and I want to thank you for your kind words and for being able to relate to me. It's comforting you know. Strange how a complete stranger can know you better than your own mom or best friend. Thanks again take care of yourself have a great week I would love to talk with you at any time you wish back and forth. I most certainly could use a friend. I guess we could possibly chat through the chat button on our profile however I haven't really tried it out too much. Just a suggestion or respond here. Sending you sunshine and positive vibes be well ✌️🌈❤️

[Nothingnoted in reply to Montana136]

Actually located in California I attend a meeting in near San Francisco on the telephone it's a really great group of people and they meet on Monday Thursday and Sunday I could give you the information if you'd like me to they're very supportive it's a really good group and they need for like an hour and a half

[Montana136 in reply to Nothingnoted]

Almost definitely would like more information what is the format of the meeting? Like sharing or talking about a certain topic that kind of thing? I was reading your bio and I am also a child of sexual abuse. He was a repetitive predator who dated mothers with young girls. I was not his first and I was not his last. So I have PTSD as well as depression and anxiety. Also forgot to mention that I did EMDR trauma therapy. Very beneficial worked kind of rapidly but very intense. Frankly I've tried everything but electroconvulsive therapy and exorcism LOL. I am in arizona. Thank you for responding and you take care of yourself. Be well ✌️🌈❤️

[Nothingnoted in reply to Montana136]

We can chat each other

[Nothingnoted]

If you want the information

[Montana136 in reply to Nothingnoted]

Hello again yes love to chat sometime. Going to bed right now but I'm very interested in your nami support group info. I am on this platform about every other day or two, sometimes more often. Mostly in the mornings but again there are some evenings I like to read, respond and post. Look forward to talking to you again. 🐞🐇✌️