Stop the Earth, i missed my stop. I missed my life

[Against_the_current]

I was made by mom to travel to Grandma's house for Easter and i have been so brave but it's crippling. The conversations we had... My sister is growing up. She wants to leave and study at the Netherlands or something like that. She's not the same. She's growing up. Or she's imitating dad because she misses him and dad thinks he's a colleague student so now they both life rock n roll college students life but real college students life is "wtf should I eat today and should i eat today". And grandma changed my childhood place. They both say i escaped and im not visiting either of them. But i just can't. My doctors aren't putting me in a mental hospital so i put myself in psychological quarantine. So they don't see how ugly it gets. And so i don't get triggered. I miss the times when my family was toghether, my sister and me weren't broken.

My grandma wanted us to stay longer but mom said no and i hurried to defend mom while we should have stayed more. One more day rebonding with my sister, my childhood and not worrying about what to eat and my miserable accomodation where i am alone

[Agora1]

Hi dear friend, I couldn't help but respond to your post. I remember at one

time saying "stop the world, I want to get off" lol

Was in the same position as you with overwhelming anxiety and fear. I'm glad

I stayed on and pursued the journey as it all worked out in time. Goodnight xx

[Against_the_current in reply to Agora1]

Exactly. I was trying to say that but forgot the words. It's a miserable feeling

[SoporRose]

It can be so hard to know what to do in the moment, how to make a decision when you don’t have time to think. But I think that maybe your sister is smart to go to the Netherlands to study and get away. I hope she can make that work and that you, too, can find an escape.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I don't want to have to escape. I want to be back to kid years not seeing her adultier than me

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand. Mental illness is completely unfair. It makes me so angry sometimes, mostly at myself, sometimes at Fate or whatever you want to call it.