Do whatever makes you feel good!

[Grandy1962]

I have probably suffered from depression since I was about 14 but it wasn’t diagnosed until I had a full blown breakdown when I was in my early 40s (about 18 years ago). Since then I have progressed from citalopram to sertraline (with a brief but horrible detour via amitriptylene) and am still on sertraline today. I was forced to take early retirement a few years ago so I now spend as much time as possible trying to channel my creativity in order to keep the darkness away. I carve wood and paint (although none of it is very good) to help me focus on positive things and my wife, who is also retired, helps more than I can ever say. Digital art is an excellent outlet as its easy and doesn’t require much or make a mess.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to the community. We’re glad you’re here. I’m glad you have your hobbies to keep you occupied. And a supportive wife.

Jeopardy checking in with us so we can get to know you.

[Elizabeth830]

Did you paint that? I love it! I enjoy painting as well but unfortunately I don't think I am very good at it (I think that is my depression/anxiety talking). I usually do landscapes but the other day I tried to do a barn. The barn looks ok but it lacks depth, so I have to work on that. But I do like how painting occupies my mind for a while...just wish I had more confidence in my abilities. It's funny, if I show my dad a painting he is impressed and flatters me by saying, "You did that?, It looks great". But my mother, she says things like, "What made you want to paint that?" Which is kind of a representation of my entire life with her...very few complements, just tips on how to improve whether it is a painting, my hair, my clothes, etc. Funny thing is, she has never painted a picture since maybe art class when she was in elementary school. LOL

Do whatever you can to not take your supportive wife for granted. Depression can be very draining for spouses. My husband refuses to be supportive/understanding and instead periodically mentions that I am "f&^'ed up in the head". Yet I have had the same good paying job for the last 24 years, while he has had over 10 different jobs.

[Grandy1962 in reply to Elizabeth830]

Hi Elizabeth, yes I did paint this on my iPad using an app called Sketchbook and a digital pencil. The beauty of digital painting is that you can undo any mistakes until you get the right effect. I think I probably channel my depression into my art, hence the somewhat gloomy and grey overtones. But I like to think that the figures are emerging from the fog rather than disappearing into it.

You’re absolutely right about my wife, she is my rock and my soulmate and I try not to take her for granted. She has probably saved my life more than once as I have been in some deep dark places in the past.

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Grandy1962]

I will have to try that app. Then I can experiment and always undo my mistakes. Cool!

[Grandy1962 in reply to Elizabeth830]

I’ve also used it to ‘enhance’ some of my physical paintings. This is an acrylic painting of mine that I photographed into my iPad and then edited it using the app.

As well as having the advantage of being able to undo any mistakes, there’s also less mess and you can sit and relax anywhere to do it.

Mountain Meadow

[misslillie]

Your journey sounds very familiar. Your family is a blessing. The amitriptyline made me very hyper. Like jumping out of my skin hyper. Thanks for sharing. Your words are comforting and encouraging.

[Adlon57]

Aye it builds up then suddenly it happens, creativity is a good outlet, I have been writing a book for 14 years, although not published I get a lot of satisfaction rereading what I have done, I have epilepsy some of the medications for that I have had epilepsy for fifty years, depression🥴🤪🙃, although now going through a bad patch in my health world presently, brain fog is a nasty side effect so not too good for reading!🙄