Decision made..

[Solow87]

(Firstly, sorry for the long a** text, for non bookworms like me!!!)

So approx 3 months ago I posted about my relationship with my bf.

Last month was our 15 year anniversary and we did nothing. My bday is also very close to the date and he didn't even get me a birthday card. Strike 1.

I also gave him til Feb to take more action to finding us our own house (as he has lots of requirements and is paying for the majority of it). Nothing has been done in this time to progress the matter, apart from moving the goal post further again, using his mum again as an excuse, and (now) hinting the fact I'm not in paid employment being a huge factor!

So I've decided he's given me the impression, our house is never going to happen. Strike 2.

Tuesday this week, i met up with a a cousin i was hoping to have nice catch up with. But she asked about my bf... then gave me the thorough but supportive "wake up call" advice. As an example she asked if i wanted to still be in this situation in 10 years time (when I'd be 46, he'd be 48)?

When i told my bf briefly about the advice/convo, (which really stressed me out at the time of it), his response was next time "she needs to mind her own f***** business." And said nothing else, or even acknowledge what may or may not still be our "relationship". (I typically was further stressed and barely slept that night). Strike 3.

(Have updated this section about signs)! In the last few days I've had 3 signs given to me. 1. A comment from a radio presenter, "finding someone you love... and who wants the best for you."

2. A comment on a tv show, where a wife says to her husband "i love you but our marriage is over.."

3. A whatsapp message with my bf whilst in the same room, asking two simple Qs. He didn't give much of a verbal response as he basically couldn't be bothered to read my msg fully, yet he was focussed on his phone screen for most of the evening (and often is) when I see him. After going home, he replied to my measage with an apology and reminding me he was tired.

So I've decided, there's no hope for our "relationship" and no future for us other than just being friends "with benefits"! Which is how it's felt for years now anyway. We barely go anywhere or do things together anymore, like going for a walk, watching shows/films or even have a meal (in or out!) AND he's made it clear in the past that I've put him in a difficult position choosing me or his (disgraceful excuse for a) mum!

But I don't know HOW to get this through to him without hurting him. I still want him in my life as I will always care about him and don't want us to "go our separate ways" scenario. And there are ongoing complications to consider.

So there it is. What say you?

[Agora1]

Hi Solow87 I would ask you the same question that your cousin did.

Where do you want to be in ten years when you are 46?

Your choice. I stand behind whatever you decide. I want to see you

safe, happy and content with life. Choose the right path for yourself.

My best to you xx

[Solow87 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for listening agora1. Bless you.x

[Lotita]

just be sure, before calling it quits that it's a lack of interest (in your well-being) on his part. or try to see if it's a problem with "love languages" (5 love languages). I have the most caring relationship with long long term partner who doesn't appreciate sentimental "stuff" but he is very generous , loving hardworking helpful and puts me first (for real). But he doesn't do cards, gifts, - never did, their family didn't do any of that. It used to drive me up the wall, as I am very much into sentimental activities (had a previous bf who was into it ... it really was fun) . Very gradually he grudgingly did a few... keeping it very simple and I would decide everything - place, activity, even presents. 😅 It seems, that you do care for this person. SO it would be hard to quit, and if it isn't abusive / although it sounds neglectful (?) . Also if he cares for his mom, that's not usually such a bad thing -

[Solow87 in reply to Lotita]

🤨

Re-read HOW I've described his mum.. (As this is one of the many complications we have, and the most painful that I hate repeating).

His mum abused my trust and done unforgivable things, and HE knows this, and she still does this with him and other family members to this day. I can relate with my mother, but THANKFULLY I've disconnected from her for the sake of what's left of my soul and sanity!

Also his mother doesn't know how to run a household so he's never gonna learn and is content with that.