Advice

[Azul12]

Hello I'm asking for an advice I am 26 year old and dropout in college, my parents want me to go back in school (college)but I don't think I can Excel and I'm not good at it, I'm quite slow in academics and I don't know how to socialize. I don't know how tell them because Im afraid of their reaction.pls help me

[katelinaune395]

Hey there, college isn't for everyone. That doesn't mean you aren't and won't be successful. That doesn't mean you won't live a meaningful and purposeful life. You have to find something that you love, and enjoy doing. Telling them how you feel can be scary but it also can be freeing, you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day that is who you are stuck with. If it doesn't make you happy and only adds anxiety to your life then its not worth the struggle of trying to make them happy. They will love you because you are their child, college or no college you just have to write your own story not be a character in theirs. Much love from the US.

[Azul12 in reply to katelinaune395]

But embarrassed to tell my parents and to my family,because all of my family is all graduates of college and have careers and while me still struggling and I don't know what I want or what I want to do in my life. They keep asking me "what I want to do"or " if I have a dream for myself", I will stay silent or answer them that " I don't know", and sometimes I don't how to answer them because even in myself I don't know or I'm not sure.

[AnimalLover2023 in reply to Azul12]

I’m sure the pressure from family doesn’t help you narrow your focus. I had a wide variety of interests and a lack of self esteem at times which made choosing a path difficult. My advice is that if you aren’t opposed to attending college, choose a Community College and go part-time. There will be a activities on campus that may help you meet people and improve your social skills. There are also tutoring and other support services available. When you start taking classes sometimes what you learn and your experiences on campus help your choose a path. Education can be flexible. What I mean by that is I have a bachelors in Human Resources, but have never worked in HR. Work experiences led me to realize I had a knack for technology. I got a masters when I was 40 in Educational Technology, I was a System Coordinator, a Programmer, and now a Senior Research Analyst. My point is a HR degree has nothing to do with what I am currently doing. Also, remember I mentioned self esteem when first starting? I took a programming class early in college and dropped it. I didn’t think I was smart enough. Later in life I taught myself SQL through a free interactive online tool (at my own pace). Then I took one college database class to improve my skills and knowledge. Keep pushing through and hold on tightly to the times you do have confidence. Those windows will lead to success (however you - not your family - define it).

That being said, I do agree that college isn’t for everyone. If it truly isn’t for you, you’re going to have to be clear with your family. Their pressure is going to contribute to your feelings of anxiety.

[012703060610]

Katie there has some great advice. Something similar happened with my niece. Her parents forced her to return and she was not successful. It turned her depression into a suicide attempt. She is ok now from the attempt, thankfully.....but she did finish school and is struggling to find a job. I have three kids and we aren't you MUST go to college here. Trade skills are hugely valuable. If I had my career to do over again, I'd get into an outdoor trade. Work the job hours and get home. Instead I fought through the corporate ladders only to work 80 hours a week and not see my kids. Between COVID and my job, my life has been wrecked. Covid brought out two autoimmune disorders and one of the two that is fatal. I don't really blame covid, I blame the job that was always wearing me down. You want to do something that makes you happy. If your family is going to make you feel shame, then think really hard on how you want your relationships to go. On another post that I made today about my own parents, another member made me realize I was taking on my parent's guilt for things they did to me. I think we want to be perfect in some way for our family, but life just isn't. It is too short to be doing something miserable. If I had a do over, my life would look much different. We are all here to support!

[Blueruth]

a friend kid flunked out. She got the message. She got over it too. We are a very educated bunch too. Now he is making his own way without her money. My friend bought a vacation place. Seriously there are lots of options. You can offer them a deal. You could start with community college and see if you hate it. Then you don’t have huge debt and they have vocational classes. There are great vocational careers. Maybe you discover a different kind of career. You could defer and take a gap year. Travel. Try different jobs. Volunteer. Those are good ways to find your interests and talents. I doubt you are incapable of college but you might hate it. It is designed for reading learners. If you are a visual learner it would be hard. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. You just need to identify it. This is a great time to explore your options. Tell them that.

[Kinlay]

As a former teacher I can tell you, college is NOT for everyone. If you know you won't be happy and successful there, then don't go. However, if your parents' greater concern is for you to find a career so that they know you have a stable future plan, that is something you can look into on your own. Frankly, I highly recommend exploring any of the trades (plumbing, electrical, car mechanics, etc.) They are in high demand, well paid, and will also help you in your personal life, as you will know how things work and how to fix them! If you have another career area in mind, then start there instead. The key is to let your parents know you are looking towards your future, and then start researching and/or reach out to people in that career to find out how they got their start. Almost all trades are upwardly mobile, meaning that you can start off working in the field and have the potential to move up into management and/or eventually ownership. My husband started out as a car mechanic and is now an executive VP with a large car dealership. No college required. Good luck!