Dizzy and nauseous

[Against_the_current]

I don't know whether it's my mental health worsening the physical or physical worsening the mental. I just know my head hurts like hell, im dizzy, nauseous and can't stop crying. And can't focus. I dissociate. I can't understand words and can't navigate myself. I just started final semester and classes are really intense. We have 4 choosable subjects and i chose 2 and went to them and now my unimates tell me I didn't sign myself fast enough and am transitted to the other subjects. One is on my sister's birthday. And the teachers already knew me and expected an exam from me. I was at class yesterday and mom and grandma texted me grandma is in hospital in my city and i should go visit her. I told them im at class but they insisted. I went to see grandma and was about to puke the whole time, holding my tears cause grandma would go "oh no, i bothered you with myself, oh no, silly me". Like shut up. Please shut up. I went home and fainted when it was finally safe to faint. I woke up at 3 am and stayed up all night cause I just can't sleep at night. Then i was laying in bed with the big Pokémon plushie i bought for my sister and I couldn't do anything. I eventually fell asleep from not being able to do anything. Had about 50 nightmares about mom. I was falling asleep and waking up, thinking im at home. I saw the pink plushie in front of me and thought it was mom's shirt. I had to look around to remember im not home. Terrible nightmares about mom. I finally woke up, it's dark outside. I had a dispute in the class chat. Everyone against me.

People can't understand im not okay

-mom wanted me to visit grandma even though i was in class and feeling unwell and im the bad guy for feeling unwell ("i can't give you a single task without you faking being ill")

- my class dissed me, not caring im not okay, it's my sister's birthday then, even those who told me "speak up, the lists are favoured" didn't defend me. Those aren't psychologists, those are wolves

-dad wasn't picking up the phone and he is the only one i could ask what to do with my headache

-the landlord doesn't care the water here is polluted

I just need a damn compassion and understanding.

Who cares i was smart, every Institution i walked in, chewed me up and spitted me out. I used to have brain, now my brain is diseased

And don't say go to the doctor. I would if i could. Also i need some compassion. Idk whether it's my mental health or physical. But im dying because this place is cruel

[Mohammad-341]

Try to find a relationship that is caring.

[Against_the_current in reply to Mohammad-341]

I really need it but can't find it