My outlook on things

[Gurbfeld]

No amount of self improvement can fix a whole life of loneliness, isolation, depression and negative social experiences.

You can try getting into socially acceptable hobbies (no nerdy or unpopular things), travelling so you have interesting topics to talk about, working out and taking the best care of your body, going to a therapist to learn how to properly cope, you might even learn how to mimic normal behaviour to the point people treat you as a equal.

But deep inside you, you'll always ressent them, you'll never be normal, because that "better" version of you is just a facade that you must make an active, continuous effort to maintain, while most other has everything you had to work for years granted by default simply by being themselves, and the moment you decide to be more genuine, to "be yourself", you will once again be left to rot all alone.

If you never had external validation in the most important years of your social development (childhood, teens, and twenties), the real you will forever be insecure, distant, distrustful and emotionally unavailable, no matter how much effort you put in improving yourself.

[EndUser13]

While I can respect and unfortunately understand your opinion in my own way, I'm not sure I agree.

I had a really rough time as a kid. I was mistreated and had severe expectations and punishments put upon me, it became part of the reason I would develop PTSD. It influenced me in fundamental ways I am still struggling to change, like a really bad habit. I have been able to break some of these 'bad habits' It hasn't been easy but it is possible.

As for nerdy hobbies, I play Dungeons and Dragons in an online game once a week, it's a lot of fun and I've been able to meet some cool people with shared interests. Its funny, the biggest things I've seen unite people in my life are drugs and games 😂

Try not to be too hard on yourself, life will surely offer plenty of less pleasant things. I hope you're able to notice and nicer things in the near future

[mareschultz]

I think what you are saying is true. But one thing I figured out as I got older is those “normal” people were not superior to me in any way. In fact, they seemed not to have a real understanding of other people and the cosmos. It seems to me that human beings have some kind of psychological need to define “the other” - someone they can compare and contrast themselves to in order to feel validated and superior. This can manifest as anything from cliques and exclusive country clubs to mobs and concentration camps.

There is always room to improve yourself - for your own personal growth. But that is different than saying you NEED improvement. As I grow older, I realize that I don’t want to be like “normal” people. I don’t want to go through life like them, with no awareness of their impact on more fragile psyches. I have learned not to care about what they think. I don’t want them as role models and I certainly don’t need their approval.

Be yourself. Be proud of the things you do and the things you have learned. It has always been those who are “other” - who are different - that have contributed the most to humanity.

[Boston001]

I don't want you to feel like I am marginalizing you because of your age and everyone's life experiences and path are their own. So I can only speak from my center. I read you, I hear you, I was there in my early 20's. I even tried to end myself, thinking this was life and I would feel this way forever. But what I had no way of knowing was that within two years, I would by a twist of fate, find myself sitting in the kitchen of someone who hated me as much as I hated them. When suddenly in walked the woman I would spend the next 25 years with. Her panic and anxiety issues were just as bad, but like bookends, we made something truly beautiful. Sure I was still damaged goods and depressed, and anxious and panic attacks never went away, but there were euphoric days, watching my children being born and growing up to become awesome adults who make a real difference in this f-ed up world, not just in my life but in all the people they touch. And I think back and realize that if a state trooper hadn't stopped to check on me I would have bled out on the side of the road and missed out on that remarkable adventure. I joined this group because I am once again in a dark time, for different reasons than earlier in my life. Sure the meds and the therapy feel like treading water. There is no magic pill, no guru therapist with the wisdom to cure me. But I keep on keeping on because I know that I could find myself in the most unlikely place when suddenly a door to a better path will open for me. I wish you luck and love, keep on keepin' on!

[Tara52]

Wow that is a pretty grim view of life going forward. Life has infinite good possibilities ahead for all of us no matter what our past. Our Creator only creates good but you have to look for it and expect it. Whatever you believe you receive. I hope you can get a higher perspective and forgive those who have hurt you.💗 You deserve to start enjoying your life!

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Tara52]

The Creator only creates good? Do you believe in Satan?

[Tara52]

Yes but not as an entity. They are just false suggestions. I am learning to reject evil thoughts and move forward expecting good.😇